Todays Read: Galatians 5
I am in the midst of a season of my life that is full of uncertainty and instability. The blessing of this period is the opportunity that the Lord is giving me to lean wholly on him. The Psalms are full of references to God being a refuge to those who trust him. However, despite the fact that I know he is my refuge, a byproduct of living in uncertainty is vulnerability that can lead to insecurity. I am daily tempted to succumb to my vulnerability and reach back into myself and try to 'fix' things in my life or pursue things out of my own strength. With uncertainty comes fear or faith. I am learning, now, that both cannot reside in my heart simultaneously. Will I, in fear from uncertainty, abandon my purpose right now to wait on the Lord? (Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.") Or will I trust Him and joyfully rest in His glorious mysteries? I don't know what He's working, I don't know what He's planned. But His word tells me "You [Lord], in perfect faithfulness, have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." (Isaiah 25:1) I may not know what marvelous things He's in the midst of working or preparing. But I know He has had a "good, pleasing, and perfect" (Romans 12:2) plan from the beginning of time.
As I prayed for the Lord to give me eyes to see His faithfulness at work in me, he was swift to meet me in my need. I reviewed the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control) in Galatians 5 and the Lord spoke peace into my heart about this season in my life. In reading about the fruits, it was my intention to be introspective and test myself to look for these fruits. In my logic, I thought, "if the Lord really is working in my life now, then surely, I will be able to recognize some of these fruits in my life." While I think it is a wise thing to examine your ways and look for these tangible 'fruits', the Lord had a different purpose for me in studying them this day. As I was pondering, I remembered John 12:24-25 "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."
It was then that I realized that before the fruits come forth, the seed of my heart must perish. My 'seed', that is my desires for my life and desire to control it's course and outcome, must be buried before I can fully grow and bring forth the fruit of His works in my life. In his faithfulness, he reminded me yet again to "wait on the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord" (Ps. 27:14). Because, if I trust in him while I am in this period of letting my seed 'die', then he will be faithful to bring forth the fruit. Just like real fruit though, spiritual fruit does not get produced over night. It is a long process in which he carefully tends to the process every step of the way. And just because I don't see the end result of his faithfulness in specific circumstances in my life right now, it doesn't mean that he's not at work. The harvest comes after the sowing, tending and growing. But the harvest will come. The bible tells me so.
Lord, I trust you in your promise of faithfulness. I know that if I want to live in you perfect plan, then I have to let go of my plan and therefore, the driver's seat of my life. I give you my life and I trust you with it. And while I might be in a period of waiting right now, of uncertainty, one thing is not uncertain, and that is you. You are unchanging, you are faithful and you are good. I will trust in you and seek you as my only refuge and my strength.
"I know that you can do all things, no plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Luke 9:24-25
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