HE SAID 'NEITHER DO I'

Read: All over the place in the bible!

I have to admit, I struggle a lot with forgiving myself for the sin that the Lord has already forgiven me for. I know that my rebellious past is over and done with. But, I carry immense sorrow over the reality of what it is. I trust that the Lord loves me and will forgive me. But I guess by default I struggle with the 'and forgives me' part or I wouldn't be here writing this.

My doubting the completeness of His forgiveness is all at the same time false, weak (on my part), foolish, deceitful, and offensive. The devil is dubbed 'the father of lies' (John 8:44) for a reason--- he loves to speak things into our hearts that make us doubt what the Lord has said or done and also, to make us immobile in our walk with him. To believe the devil's lies over the Lord good truth must be terribly hurtful and offensive to the Lord.

The Lord knows where I am and is faithful to meet me right where I am. So, as I struggle with this off and on, the Lord has been gently nudging me with His word, reminding me of His TRUTH over satan's lies. For example, I need not worry about my sin because He has made my redemption complete. "It is finished"(John 19:30) he said as he was dying on the cross. Did He mean His life on this earth? Did He mean the crucifixion? NO! He meant, the justification for MY SINS was finished---it was made complete on that day. I need not offer sacrifices or adhere to strict religious law. I need not live by some code in order to atone for my follies. He was my sacrifice and he fulfilled/completed/'finished' the law. So, for me to doubt that I am good enough to overcome the sins of my past is just plain wrong. He said, with those three words, that He has made me good enough. I need not worry.

So, I have been clinging to several verses when I am tempted to hold on to these feelings of unworthiness based on lies. Here they are:

Ephesians 4:22-24 Tells me that I am corrupted by my 'evil desires' to rely on my feelings rather than His truth that tells me His power is greater than my feelings. And, it also encourages me to forget the past and move on! My feelings are based on nothing but happenstance and hormones. The truth of His complete forgiveness is based in His wholly unchanging nature.

Isaiah 43:18-19 tells me that I shouldn't worry about old things because what is being worked in my life is so much greater a positive thing than my past was a negative thing. The new trumps the old. HIS work in my life now trumps anything of MINE that happened in the past. He has the trump card, period. My stuff is insignificant.

Isaiah 43:25 is quite possibly the most dumbfounding one for me. It tells me that the ALL KNOWING God no longer remembers my sin. Once I seek His forgiveness and offer to Him my failings, they are gone from His memory bank. As a human, I might be able to 'delete' my stuff, but I find it deeply difficult to figure out how to then empty the 'recycle' bin in my heart. I can try to remove it, but it's never really gone. When HE removes it, IT IS GONE. Man, that's awesome!

So basically, when I am reminded by these truths, I feel very convicted to let it go. I feel convicted to stop condemning myself. He has redeemed me. How can I call something unclean that the Lord has already declared clean? I'm a fool if I think I carry that much weight.

Lord, I thank you for perfecting me and justifying me. In one act, you made me clean. Forgive me for believing the devil's lies that my sins are greater than your forgiveness. Forgive me for doubting that I can fully move past my most shameful moments. Forgive me for forgetting to trust that your word is true. I love you for what you've done for me. I love you for what you're doing in me. I love you for what you're going to do in and for me. I love you for the goodness of who you are.

John 8:10-11 "Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared."