HE IS OUR REFUGE

Read: Mostly all over the Psalms

It feels as though I am 'stuck' in the Psalms. But, at this point in my life with the Lord, reading them daily is medicine for my soul. I am hungry for him and they fill me. So, maybe it's redundant to always be referencing them, but they show me the depths of his heart. And how could I ever tire of that?

I was recently inadvertently wounded by a friend. The sting of this has made me feel very vulnerable and caused me to take a good hard look at myself. In my hurt, I want to withdraw and hole up inside myself as a mechanism of self protection. But I recognize that this is an expression of a lack of faith on my part. My instinct to protect myself reveals about me that I forget that I already have a protector. His name is the Lord Jesus.

While in the thick of this temptation to protect myself, the Lord was faithful to speak to me yet again that HE is all I need. He has promised to be my protection, my shield, my place of refuge. Not necessarily physically, but most certainly in matters of the heart.

I came across this picture and couldn't help but see my Father in the photo. He is the creator of ALL things. He created the things we can see and the things that we cannot. ( Colossians 1:16, Revelation 4:11) He knows what all living things need to be able to function healthily. From this photo, I was reminded that not only did he create these elegant birds, but he created their instinct to protect their young. And, to do it in such a fascinating and delicate way. If he knows that these simple creatures need this tender covering of protection, how much more does he know that I need it too? And, how infinitely capable is he of providing me the protection that I need? Seeing the image of the gentle protection he offers me gave me a lot of peace and rest. I don't need to struggle to protect myself. I need only to crawl under the covering of his wings and rest in his powerful ability (and desire) to be my refuge. This picture was particularly striking to me because of the many references scripture makes to finding shelter under His 'wings'. See below verses:
Ps. 17:8 "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings."

Ps. 36:7 "How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."

Ps. 61:4 "I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings."

Ps. 91:4 "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

Matt. 23:37 "how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings"

He is more than capable of being my protection and a place where I can rest from the storms of this life. Even the storms of my own heart. I just need to let him be my refuge.

Lord, thank you so much that you know I need your protection and your covering before I even recognize that I need it. Thank you for being ready and willing to be my refuge and my place of of rest. You are enough for me. I don't need to fight for myself or try to zealously protect my heart. You are my protector. Thank you for teaching me to rest in that.

Psalm 32:7 "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

Psalm 5:11 "But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you."

Psalm 73:28 "But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."

Proverbs 30:5 ""Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him."

***As I studied, I realized that there are countless references to God being our 'refuge' in the bible. I have included a link to a search on the word 'refuge' on www.biblegateway.com. It is very encouraging to just read through all 95 of them quickly. I encourage you to take a look here.

CARDBOARD TESTIMONIES

Today's Read: 1 Peter 2:9

For the christmas eve service at my church this year, rather than having the pastor engage in lengthy dialogue about the story of Jesus, he arranged to have the lives Jesus has touched and changed to speak for themselves. Each person that came on the stage spoke no words, but carried a cardboard sign with a message written on it. On the sign, was a scrawled phrase defining their life and who they were prior to living with Jesus. Without saying a word, they would turn their cards over and reveal a victorious message depicting who they are now because of Christ. It was a very simple but profoundly moving method to conveying the power of Christ's spirit in people's lives. (*See link below to view a video of the 'cardboard testimonies')

As a church body, we were challenged going forward into the new year to examine what we would write on our own cardboard testimonies. That is to say, what is the most profound difference in my life prior to walking with Jesus and since walking with Jesus. I thought a good bit about it and came up with a solid list of noticeable changes to be thankful for because of the Lord. Here are some of the things I jotted down as I thought:

Burdened by shame and guilt.....rest in the yoke of his peace
Lived as an enemy of the cross.....living as salt and light
Broken and lost....redeemed and treasured
Wandered aimlessly..... live with purpose
Hurt and broken hearted..... healed and whole

While all of the above listed things are beautiful and wonderful things he's worked in me, I felt like they could be best summed up in this statement:

"Before trusting Jesus, I constantly stumbled around in the darkness, now I walk in the freedom of his light."

I didn't know how dark my darkness was until he shined his light on me. It was like I was living life constantly bumping into things and hurting myself as a result. I was confused, misguided and lost. Because of his goodness, he has brought light to my heart. I don't have to stumble around in in my darkness. I have his light guiding me and leading me. And for once, I am at a loss for words to describe how truly wonderful and beautiful this is. I know who I am now because I know my maker. And there is such an unbelievable freedom in that.

Sweet Lord Jesus, you are so good to me. You have called me out darkness and into light. My every moment, every thought is now filled with your purpose and your peace. I have given you all my life and all that is within my heart because I know that you are enough for me. Thank you for your faithfulness and your goodness to me. I do love you. I am yours.

Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

1 Peter 2:9-10 "But you are a chosen people, a royal preisthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but have now received mercy."

Psalm 18:28 "My God turns my darkness into light...."

Psalm 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."



LINKS

Watermark Community Church cardboard testimonies (my home church in Dallas)
Video 1
Video 2

Austin Stone Community Church cardboard stories (a church I attended for a while in Austin just before I moved to Dallas several years ago.)

PREPARING FOR HARVEST

Todays Read: Galatians 5

I am in the midst of a season of my life that is full of uncertainty and instability. The blessing of this period is the opportunity that the Lord is giving me to lean wholly on him. The Psalms are full of references to God being a refuge to those who trust him. However, despite the fact that I know he is my refuge, a byproduct of living in uncertainty is vulnerability that can lead to insecurity. I am daily tempted to succumb to my vulnerability and reach back into myself and try to 'fix' things in my life or pursue things out of my own strength. With uncertainty comes fear or faith. I am learning, now, that both cannot reside in my heart simultaneously. Will I, in fear from uncertainty, abandon my purpose right now to wait on the Lord? (Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.") Or will I trust Him and joyfully rest in His glorious mysteries? I don't know what He's working, I don't know what He's planned. But His word tells me "You [Lord], in perfect faithfulness, have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." (Isaiah 25:1) I may not know what marvelous things He's in the midst of working or preparing. But I know He has had a "good, pleasing, and perfect" (Romans 12:2) plan from the beginning of time.

As I prayed for the Lord to give me eyes to see His faithfulness at work in me, he was swift to meet me in my need. I reviewed the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control) in Galatians 5 and the Lord spoke peace into my heart about this season in my life. In reading about the fruits, it was my intention to be introspective and test myself to look for these fruits. In my logic, I thought, "if the Lord really is working in my life now, then surely, I will be able to recognize some of these fruits in my life." While I think it is a wise thing to examine your ways and look for these tangible 'fruits', the Lord had a different purpose for me in studying them this day. As I was pondering, I remembered John 12:24-25 "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

It was then that I realized that before the fruits come forth, the seed of my heart must perish. My 'seed', that is my desires for my life and desire to control it's course and outcome, must be buried before I can fully grow and bring forth the fruit of His works in my life. In his faithfulness, he reminded me yet again to "wait on the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord" (Ps. 27:14). Because, if I trust in him while I am in this period of letting my seed 'die', then he will be faithful to bring forth the fruit. Just like real fruit though, spiritual fruit does not get produced over night. It is a long process in which he carefully tends to the process every step of the way. And just because I don't see the end result of his faithfulness in specific circumstances in my life right now, it doesn't mean that he's not at work. The harvest comes after the sowing, tending and growing. But the harvest will come. The bible tells me so.


Lord, I trust you in your promise of faithfulness. I know that if I want to live in you perfect plan, then I have to let go of my plan and therefore, the driver's seat of my life. I give you my life and I trust you with it. And while I might be in a period of waiting right now, of uncertainty, one thing is not uncertain, and that is you. You are unchanging, you are faithful and you are good. I will trust in you and seek you as my only refuge and my strength.


"I know that you can do all things, no plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Luke 9:24-25

NO PLACE TOO FAR

Today's Read: Psalm 139

"Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise' you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in--- behind and before; you have laid your hands upon me..... Where can I go from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there..... For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well..... All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be..... Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

The work that I do requires not only my intellectual attention, but also my emotional and even spiritual attention. While most days this is a balancing act I can handle, there are times that it drains me. Today was one of those days. After a colossally terrible day at my job, I was ultimately exhausted on every level of my being. My heart was used up, poured out and beaten in the process. By the time the dust settled, I had nothing left and I had no choice but to come to Him; everything else of this world had left me empty. While being in this state of frustration is difficult and undesirable I praise God for it, because it brings me to my knees and back to him.

Today, I returned to a familiar Psalm and my heart was soothed. Psalm 139. This whole Psalm tells the love the Father has for me as displayed in his intimately thoughtful creation of every aspect of my soul. It also outlines my total inability to escape his presence. There are certainly times when I try to hide and escape the reach of God, due to my own fear and shame. However, today I am deeply comforted that no matter how alone and empty I feel, even if I think God has left me to take care of myself, His word assures me that no matter where I am, He is there. "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there." (v. 7-8).

I know the Lord has a good plan for me and nothing, therefore, is accidental. Jeremiah tells me that " I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11) The most difficult days in this life are often the easiest to feel as though God has forgotten me and has no regard for the well being of my heart. Reading verse 16 of Psalm 139 shows me otherwise. "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." It might be miserable to go through a day like I had today, but it most certainly is not an accident. There is a lot of freedom in that truth. Even when walking through the valleys of life, I can have peace in knowing that those days are just a stepping stone in His great plan for me. I might feel downtrodden and beaten, but His truth says that He is in control because He has planned even the valleys.

Lord Jesus, I praise you for the truth that no matter where I am, you are there. Thank you that I am never beyond your reach. Thank you for being in control. Forgive me for doubting that you are with me. I pray that I would joyfully walk in freedom knowing that you have ordained every moment of my existence. And, I praise you for being faithful and strong. Forgive me for being so easily exhausted.

Psalm 23:4 "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
John 8:36 "So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed"
Luke 12:7 "And, indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows."

INVALUABLE WISDOM

Today's Read: Proverbs 3-5

Reading in Proverbs today, I was really humbled. I have been seeking the Lord for some time now and He has been faithful to be working on transforming my heart and mind. I rejoice and praise Him for that, but at the same time, I reminded that I will permanently be a work in progress. Much of the book of Proverbs is about wisdom and it's value. What I read today taught me that even though it is good to seek wisdom, I need to be warned that it may not always be easy to attain. In fact, it probably is often quite the opposite. If was easy to attain God's wisdom then I wouldn't be tempted to "despise the Lord's discipline and resent his rebuke" (v. 3:11) or to say "How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction!" (v. 5:12).

Reading these three chapters of Proverbs today served as a gentle reminder from the Lord about gaining wisdom. He showed me three things specifically.

1) I must be humble if I want to become wise. (v. 3:34) I can think of no way to breed humility in myself other than to seek the Lord's face and pray for His grace in this area.

2) Wisdom is priceless, but it comes at a great cost. (v.4:7). I cannot cling to the things I find valuable (myself, my desires, my ways of thinking, my idols) and yet also cling to wisdom. Therefore, my things must go. The cost of laying down myself and all that is within my heart is immeasurable. But the payoff here (gaining God's wisdom) is infinitely more valuable.

3) Knowing both of the prior two points to be true, then I must recognize, appreciate, enjoy and praise God for when he is disciplining me for the purpose of teaching me (v. 3:11). In fact, I should rejoice in His discipline because it is a testament of His love for me (v. 3:12).

So, I am left today clinging to several verses that I hope never leave my heart. Here they are:

4:13 "Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life."
4:23 "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
3:1 "My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart."
3:3 "Let love and faithfulness never leave you bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."

Lord, thank you for being patient with me when I am not humble enough to be teachable. Thank you for gently reminding me of my need for humility, discipline and instruction. Please keep me humble. And, give me a joyful heart that praises you in the midst of correction. Because I know that correction and discipline from you is an expression of your love for me.

REND YOUR HEART

Today's Read: Joel

I can't believe that I have never read the book of Joel. It is very short, only three chapters. But, it carries a huge message full of awe inspiring beauty. The first chapter and a half (half the book) is full of descriptions about destruction reaped on God's people as judgement for their rebellion against him. It is very clear that God is angry and is justly acting when he disciplines, punishes and pours out unfathomable hardships on his people. They have wronged him and he is completely justified in his response of giving suffering to the people. This part of the book reminds me that God alone is sovereign and I am nothing.

The part that bestows such beauty though, comes in the second part of chapter two. After a long rant about the well earned suffering God's people endured, and despite that the Lord was justifiably angry with them, even despite that, He still manages to say "Even now, declares the Lord, return to me with all your heart....for He is gracious and compassionate..... and who knows, He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing" (v. 12-14). Wait, WHAT? God's people, of which I am one, have been neglecting Him, rebelling against Him, dishonoring Him for so long. Because of their actions and the attitudes of their hearts, they (I!!!) don't deserve anything. What amazes me here is that it doesn't simply say that He might turn and 'stop punishing' them. It says that He might turn and 'leave behind a blessing' (v.14). What of their actions has merited His offering a blessing to them? Simple, He is pleased with an offering of their hearts. (v. 13 Rend your HEART). Just like Psalm 51:17 says, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O god, you will not despise."

The pinnacle of graceful majesty in this section of scripture for me, comes in verse 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten." What you must remember here is that in chapter one, it was explained that the locusts came as punishment from God on his people. It wasn't God picking on the people or simply being mean to them. These people, out of the sinful hardness of their hearts, earned and deserved that punishment. They deserved that punishment. But yet, simply at the fact that they were willing to give their hearts once again to God, He promised to bless them. And, not bless them simply with putting an end to the suffering, but to make up for the time they had already endured.

What the Lord taught me here about His immeasurable grace is that He is unbelievably eager to pour out His blessing of grace at the very moment that we give our hearts to him. But we must 'rend our hearts and not our garments' (v. 2:13). It is revealed over and over again in scripture that he wants our HEARTS.

Lord, I am quieted today by your love. In the face of your beauty and the majesty of your grace, I am left speechless. Please never allow me to forget the greatness of your grace and it's blessing for my life. Let me never forget to 'rend my heart' completely to you and before you. You want my heart Jesus. And even though I have to choose to give it to over and over again, I am telling you Lord, that I am giving you my heart. Take and seal it for yourself.

BEING RECONCILED

Today's Read: 2 Corinthians

I have to admit, I am a believer who struggles with accepting the Grace that the Lord has offered me. I struggle with being deceived by the lies the evil one desires to burden my heart with. The Father of lies tells me that I cannot be redeemed fully, that I am too marred by my own sin to be fully accepted by God and blessed by him. Believing these lies leaves me feeling discouraged, burdened and sorrowful. This is something that I struggle with cyclically and continually need to combat with the truth of the scriptures if I want to be able to rise above the lie that I am unredeemable.

I have read in 2 Corinthians 7 before that 'Godly sorrow brings repentance' (v. 10), repentance that leads to LIFE. Even though I have read this particular passage many times, I seemed to have skimmed over verse 9. It is here that the bible tells me that "you became sorrowful as God intended". Reading this has brought me so much comfort and peace because it reminds me that my sorrow (over sins of rebellion and the shame that accompany them) is not a superfluous side effect of my human state. It is purposefully brought to surface in my heart as a direct component of God's continued progressive sanctification of my spirit. He has intentionally planned for this sorrow, because it is a step in the process that brings me ever closer to him and refines me to have a heart more like his. Malachi 3:2-3 says that he will refine me as silver, which is a process that requires painstaking effort before a furnace to cleanse all impurities. Sounds painful, because it is! This refining process is not easy or fun; it's not for the faint at heart. But it is so beautiful, because it brings me closer to Him. I believe the burden of sorrow that I'm bearing is a direct result of his calling me to come closer.

So, I am choosing to cling to the hope that He is using this as a tool to reconcile me to him, that is, to bring me home to live with him as he intended since the dawn of creation. 2 Corinthians 5 tells me that I am a new creation, who has been reconciled and that I no longer bear the burden of my sin. How can I deny what the word of God says about me and choose to cling to the lies of the devil that I am forever stuck in the filth of my own sin? I cannot.

Oh Lord, thank you for your faithfulness to work on me and in me, even though it is painful. It is heartbreaking to continually be made more and more aware of my own depravity. It burdens my heart to see clearly just how broken I am. But I praise your name, your mercy and your faithfulness that you accept me as I am, but you don't let me just stay as I am. Thank you for refining me and for giving me the grace to grow in strength from the process, despite the hurt that is within my heart over it.

Isaiah 43: 25 "I, even I, am he who blots our your transgressions, for my own sake and remembers your sins no more."