Today's Read: Psalm 139
"Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise' you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in--- behind and before; you have laid your hands upon me..... Where can I go from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there..... For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well..... All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be..... Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
The work that I do requires not only my intellectual attention, but also my emotional and even spiritual attention. While most days this is a balancing act I can handle, there are times that it drains me. Today was one of those days. After a colossally terrible day at my job, I was ultimately exhausted on every level of my being. My heart was used up, poured out and beaten in the process. By the time the dust settled, I had nothing left and I had no choice but to come to Him; everything else of this world had left me empty. While being in this state of frustration is difficult and undesirable I praise God for it, because it brings me to my knees and back to him.
Today, I returned to a familiar Psalm and my heart was soothed. Psalm 139. This whole Psalm tells the love the Father has for me as displayed in his intimately thoughtful creation of every aspect of my soul. It also outlines my total inability to escape his presence. There are certainly times when I try to hide and escape the reach of God, due to my own fear and shame. However, today I am deeply comforted that no matter how alone and empty I feel, even if I think God has left me to take care of myself, His word assures me that no matter where I am, He is there. "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there." (v. 7-8).
I know the Lord has a good plan for me and nothing, therefore, is accidental. Jeremiah tells me that " I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11) The most difficult days in this life are often the easiest to feel as though God has forgotten me and has no regard for the well being of my heart. Reading verse 16 of Psalm 139 shows me otherwise. "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." It might be miserable to go through a day like I had today, but it most certainly is not an accident. There is a lot of freedom in that truth. Even when walking through the valleys of life, I can have peace in knowing that those days are just a stepping stone in His great plan for me. I might feel downtrodden and beaten, but His truth says that He is in control because He has planned even the valleys.
Lord Jesus, I praise you for the truth that no matter where I am, you are there. Thank you that I am never beyond your reach. Thank you for being in control. Forgive me for doubting that you are with me. I pray that I would joyfully walk in freedom knowing that you have ordained every moment of my existence. And, I praise you for being faithful and strong. Forgive me for being so easily exhausted.
Psalm 23:4 "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
John 8:36 "So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed"
Luke 12:7 "And, indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows."
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
INVALUABLE WISDOM
Today's Read: Proverbs 3-5
Reading in Proverbs today, I was really humbled. I have been seeking the Lord for some time now and He has been faithful to be working on transforming my heart and mind. I rejoice and praise Him for that, but at the same time, I reminded that I will permanently be a work in progress. Much of the book of Proverbs is about wisdom and it's value. What I read today taught me that even though it is good to seek wisdom, I need to be warned that it may not always be easy to attain. In fact, it probably is often quite the opposite. If was easy to attain God's wisdom then I wouldn't be tempted to "despise the Lord's discipline and resent his rebuke" (v. 3:11) or to say "How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction!" (v. 5:12).
Reading these three chapters of Proverbs today served as a gentle reminder from the Lord about gaining wisdom. He showed me three things specifically.
1) I must be humble if I want to become wise. (v. 3:34) I can think of no way to breed humility in myself other than to seek the Lord's face and pray for His grace in this area.
2) Wisdom is priceless, but it comes at a great cost. (v.4:7). I cannot cling to the things I find valuable (myself, my desires, my ways of thinking, my idols) and yet also cling to wisdom. Therefore, my things must go. The cost of laying down myself and all that is within my heart is immeasurable. But the payoff here (gaining God's wisdom) is infinitely more valuable.
3) Knowing both of the prior two points to be true, then I must recognize, appreciate, enjoy and praise God for when he is disciplining me for the purpose of teaching me (v. 3:11). In fact, I should rejoice in His discipline because it is a testament of His love for me (v. 3:12).
So, I am left today clinging to several verses that I hope never leave my heart. Here they are:
4:13 "Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life."
4:23 "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
3:1 "My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart."
3:3 "Let love and faithfulness never leave you bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."
Lord, thank you for being patient with me when I am not humble enough to be teachable. Thank you for gently reminding me of my need for humility, discipline and instruction. Please keep me humble. And, give me a joyful heart that praises you in the midst of correction. Because I know that correction and discipline from you is an expression of your love for me.
Reading in Proverbs today, I was really humbled. I have been seeking the Lord for some time now and He has been faithful to be working on transforming my heart and mind. I rejoice and praise Him for that, but at the same time, I reminded that I will permanently be a work in progress. Much of the book of Proverbs is about wisdom and it's value. What I read today taught me that even though it is good to seek wisdom, I need to be warned that it may not always be easy to attain. In fact, it probably is often quite the opposite. If was easy to attain God's wisdom then I wouldn't be tempted to "despise the Lord's discipline and resent his rebuke" (v. 3:11) or to say "How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction!" (v. 5:12).
Reading these three chapters of Proverbs today served as a gentle reminder from the Lord about gaining wisdom. He showed me three things specifically.
1) I must be humble if I want to become wise. (v. 3:34) I can think of no way to breed humility in myself other than to seek the Lord's face and pray for His grace in this area.
2) Wisdom is priceless, but it comes at a great cost. (v.4:7). I cannot cling to the things I find valuable (myself, my desires, my ways of thinking, my idols) and yet also cling to wisdom. Therefore, my things must go. The cost of laying down myself and all that is within my heart is immeasurable. But the payoff here (gaining God's wisdom) is infinitely more valuable.
3) Knowing both of the prior two points to be true, then I must recognize, appreciate, enjoy and praise God for when he is disciplining me for the purpose of teaching me (v. 3:11). In fact, I should rejoice in His discipline because it is a testament of His love for me (v. 3:12).
So, I am left today clinging to several verses that I hope never leave my heart. Here they are:
4:13 "Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life."
4:23 "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
3:1 "My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart."
3:3 "Let love and faithfulness never leave you bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."
Lord, thank you for being patient with me when I am not humble enough to be teachable. Thank you for gently reminding me of my need for humility, discipline and instruction. Please keep me humble. And, give me a joyful heart that praises you in the midst of correction. Because I know that correction and discipline from you is an expression of your love for me.
REND YOUR HEART
Today's Read: Joel
I can't believe that I have never read the book of Joel. It is very short, only three chapters. But, it carries a huge message full of awe inspiring beauty. The first chapter and a half (half the book) is full of descriptions about destruction reaped on God's people as judgement for their rebellion against him. It is very clear that God is angry and is justly acting when he disciplines, punishes and pours out unfathomable hardships on his people. They have wronged him and he is completely justified in his response of giving suffering to the people. This part of the book reminds me that God alone is sovereign and I am nothing.
The part that bestows such beauty though, comes in the second part of chapter two. After a long rant about the well earned suffering God's people endured, and despite that the Lord was justifiably angry with them, even despite that, He still manages to say "Even now, declares the Lord, return to me with all your heart....for He is gracious and compassionate..... and who knows, He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing" (v. 12-14). Wait, WHAT? God's people, of which I am one, have been neglecting Him, rebelling against Him, dishonoring Him for so long. Because of their actions and the attitudes of their hearts, they (I!!!) don't deserve anything. What amazes me here is that it doesn't simply say that He might turn and 'stop punishing' them. It says that He might turn and 'leave behind a blessing' (v.14). What of their actions has merited His offering a blessing to them? Simple, He is pleased with an offering of their hearts. (v. 13 Rend your HEART). Just like Psalm 51:17 says, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O god, you will not despise."
The pinnacle of graceful majesty in this section of scripture for me, comes in verse 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten." What you must remember here is that in chapter one, it was explained that the locusts came as punishment from God on his people. It wasn't God picking on the people or simply being mean to them. These people, out of the sinful hardness of their hearts, earned and deserved that punishment. They deserved that punishment. But yet, simply at the fact that they were willing to give their hearts once again to God, He promised to bless them. And, not bless them simply with putting an end to the suffering, but to make up for the time they had already endured.
What the Lord taught me here about His immeasurable grace is that He is unbelievably eager to pour out His blessing of grace at the very moment that we give our hearts to him. But we must 'rend our hearts and not our garments' (v. 2:13). It is revealed over and over again in scripture that he wants our HEARTS.
Lord, I am quieted today by your love. In the face of your beauty and the majesty of your grace, I am left speechless. Please never allow me to forget the greatness of your grace and it's blessing for my life. Let me never forget to 'rend my heart' completely to you and before you. You want my heart Jesus. And even though I have to choose to give it to over and over again, I am telling you Lord, that I am giving you my heart. Take and seal it for yourself.
I can't believe that I have never read the book of Joel. It is very short, only three chapters. But, it carries a huge message full of awe inspiring beauty. The first chapter and a half (half the book) is full of descriptions about destruction reaped on God's people as judgement for their rebellion against him. It is very clear that God is angry and is justly acting when he disciplines, punishes and pours out unfathomable hardships on his people. They have wronged him and he is completely justified in his response of giving suffering to the people. This part of the book reminds me that God alone is sovereign and I am nothing.
The part that bestows such beauty though, comes in the second part of chapter two. After a long rant about the well earned suffering God's people endured, and despite that the Lord was justifiably angry with them, even despite that, He still manages to say "Even now, declares the Lord, return to me with all your heart....for He is gracious and compassionate..... and who knows, He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing" (v. 12-14). Wait, WHAT? God's people, of which I am one, have been neglecting Him, rebelling against Him, dishonoring Him for so long. Because of their actions and the attitudes of their hearts, they (I!!!) don't deserve anything. What amazes me here is that it doesn't simply say that He might turn and 'stop punishing' them. It says that He might turn and 'leave behind a blessing' (v.14). What of their actions has merited His offering a blessing to them? Simple, He is pleased with an offering of their hearts. (v. 13 Rend your HEART). Just like Psalm 51:17 says, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O god, you will not despise."
The pinnacle of graceful majesty in this section of scripture for me, comes in verse 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten." What you must remember here is that in chapter one, it was explained that the locusts came as punishment from God on his people. It wasn't God picking on the people or simply being mean to them. These people, out of the sinful hardness of their hearts, earned and deserved that punishment. They deserved that punishment. But yet, simply at the fact that they were willing to give their hearts once again to God, He promised to bless them. And, not bless them simply with putting an end to the suffering, but to make up for the time they had already endured.
What the Lord taught me here about His immeasurable grace is that He is unbelievably eager to pour out His blessing of grace at the very moment that we give our hearts to him. But we must 'rend our hearts and not our garments' (v. 2:13). It is revealed over and over again in scripture that he wants our HEARTS.
Lord, I am quieted today by your love. In the face of your beauty and the majesty of your grace, I am left speechless. Please never allow me to forget the greatness of your grace and it's blessing for my life. Let me never forget to 'rend my heart' completely to you and before you. You want my heart Jesus. And even though I have to choose to give it to over and over again, I am telling you Lord, that I am giving you my heart. Take and seal it for yourself.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
BEING RECONCILED
Today's Read: 2 Corinthians
I have to admit, I am a believer who struggles with accepting the Grace that the Lord has offered me. I struggle with being deceived by the lies the evil one desires to burden my heart with. The Father of lies tells me that I cannot be redeemed fully, that I am too marred by my own sin to be fully accepted by God and blessed by him. Believing these lies leaves me feeling discouraged, burdened and sorrowful. This is something that I struggle with cyclically and continually need to combat with the truth of the scriptures if I want to be able to rise above the lie that I am unredeemable.
I have read in 2 Corinthians 7 before that 'Godly sorrow brings repentance' (v. 10), repentance that leads to LIFE. Even though I have read this particular passage many times, I seemed to have skimmed over verse 9. It is here that the bible tells me that "you became sorrowful as God intended". Reading this has brought me so much comfort and peace because it reminds me that my sorrow (over sins of rebellion and the shame that accompany them) is not a superfluous side effect of my human state. It is purposefully brought to surface in my heart as a direct component of God's continued progressive sanctification of my spirit. He has intentionally planned for this sorrow, because it is a step in the process that brings me ever closer to him and refines me to have a heart more like his. Malachi 3:2-3 says that he will refine me as silver, which is a process that requires painstaking effort before a furnace to cleanse all impurities. Sounds painful, because it is! This refining process is not easy or fun; it's not for the faint at heart. But it is so beautiful, because it brings me closer to Him. I believe the burden of sorrow that I'm bearing is a direct result of his calling me to come closer.
So, I am choosing to cling to the hope that He is using this as a tool to reconcile me to him, that is, to bring me home to live with him as he intended since the dawn of creation. 2 Corinthians 5 tells me that I am a new creation, who has been reconciled and that I no longer bear the burden of my sin. How can I deny what the word of God says about me and choose to cling to the lies of the devil that I am forever stuck in the filth of my own sin? I cannot.
Oh Lord, thank you for your faithfulness to work on me and in me, even though it is painful. It is heartbreaking to continually be made more and more aware of my own depravity. It burdens my heart to see clearly just how broken I am. But I praise your name, your mercy and your faithfulness that you accept me as I am, but you don't let me just stay as I am. Thank you for refining me and for giving me the grace to grow in strength from the process, despite the hurt that is within my heart over it.
Isaiah 43: 25 "I, even I, am he who blots our your transgressions, for my own sake and remembers your sins no more."
I have to admit, I am a believer who struggles with accepting the Grace that the Lord has offered me. I struggle with being deceived by the lies the evil one desires to burden my heart with. The Father of lies tells me that I cannot be redeemed fully, that I am too marred by my own sin to be fully accepted by God and blessed by him. Believing these lies leaves me feeling discouraged, burdened and sorrowful. This is something that I struggle with cyclically and continually need to combat with the truth of the scriptures if I want to be able to rise above the lie that I am unredeemable.
I have read in 2 Corinthians 7 before that 'Godly sorrow brings repentance' (v. 10), repentance that leads to LIFE. Even though I have read this particular passage many times, I seemed to have skimmed over verse 9. It is here that the bible tells me that "you became sorrowful as God intended". Reading this has brought me so much comfort and peace because it reminds me that my sorrow (over sins of rebellion and the shame that accompany them) is not a superfluous side effect of my human state. It is purposefully brought to surface in my heart as a direct component of God's continued progressive sanctification of my spirit. He has intentionally planned for this sorrow, because it is a step in the process that brings me ever closer to him and refines me to have a heart more like his. Malachi 3:2-3 says that he will refine me as silver, which is a process that requires painstaking effort before a furnace to cleanse all impurities. Sounds painful, because it is! This refining process is not easy or fun; it's not for the faint at heart. But it is so beautiful, because it brings me closer to Him. I believe the burden of sorrow that I'm bearing is a direct result of his calling me to come closer.
So, I am choosing to cling to the hope that He is using this as a tool to reconcile me to him, that is, to bring me home to live with him as he intended since the dawn of creation. 2 Corinthians 5 tells me that I am a new creation, who has been reconciled and that I no longer bear the burden of my sin. How can I deny what the word of God says about me and choose to cling to the lies of the devil that I am forever stuck in the filth of my own sin? I cannot.
Oh Lord, thank you for your faithfulness to work on me and in me, even though it is painful. It is heartbreaking to continually be made more and more aware of my own depravity. It burdens my heart to see clearly just how broken I am. But I praise your name, your mercy and your faithfulness that you accept me as I am, but you don't let me just stay as I am. Thank you for refining me and for giving me the grace to grow in strength from the process, despite the hurt that is within my heart over it.
Isaiah 43: 25 "I, even I, am he who blots our your transgressions, for my own sake and remembers your sins no more."
Sunday, October 18, 2009
RELATIONSHIP, NOT RELIGION
John 5
As I've grown in my walk with the Lord, I have had a growing desire to have His word ready on my lips at all times. In some ways, it comes very easily to memorize scripture. Because, there are plenty of times when studying his word that it comes alive for me and I feel as though it was written just for me and spoken directly into my heart. At those times, it's like the scriptures are etched permanently into my heart and I don't forget them. There are other times, however that I intently study for memorization so that I can have an arsenal of scriptures to use for witnessing with, encouraging with and clinging to. After all, 1 Peter 3 instructs that as believers, we are to have a ready defense.
I know that in my walk with the Lord there are going to be times when I feel like I am running and could run for days without resting, and it's wholly invigorating, not exhausting. I also know that at other times, it will be a struggle, for whatever reason, for me to be able to even get my tennis shoes on to go for a jog around the block with Him. But regardless of my mood or depth of pursuit on any one particular day, I do want to at least get my shoes on and get out to walk with Him, everyday.
In trying to honor Him, I have found myself in the last week or so reading the bible just to say to myself that I had 'gone for a walk' with the Lord, almost to check off my list that I had done right by him. I have, after all, been trying to commit His word to memory and I have been commanded to do so, so by default, aren't I being obedient and therefore honoring Him?
I can explain away my behavior with logic all I want, but at the end of the day, the Lord doesn't want mere behavior from me. I don't believe he cares that much about what I do if his first and foremost desire is not fulfilled--- to have relationship with me. I was reading in John 5 a few days ago and reading verses 39-40 it was like Jesus was thumping me on the head saying 'Don't you get it?! Here's what you should be doing! Pursue ME. Not just my word, but ME. I want relationship with you. And you need relationship with me!'
While it is good for me to commit His word to memory, it is not enough. Jesus doesn't want my head full of His words and that's it. Jesus wants my heart. I have always known this and yet it is so easy for me to forget amongst all the chaos and noise of life. He wants my heart. He wants me to pursue, desire, commit to HIM and our relationship. When I remember this, my heart brims over with joy. There is so much freedom in knowing that all He wants is for me to let go and give myself wholly to Him. And in that freedom, my beautiful joy is found.
Thank you, sweet and faithful Jesus, that what you desire most is my heart. Thank you that no matter what I do, it doesn't matter if I do it outside of relationship with you. I want to honor you and be obedient to you. Please keeping speaking your truth into my heart that the only way I can begin to do those things is by having relationship with you.
Hebrews 11:6 "For without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."
As I've grown in my walk with the Lord, I have had a growing desire to have His word ready on my lips at all times. In some ways, it comes very easily to memorize scripture. Because, there are plenty of times when studying his word that it comes alive for me and I feel as though it was written just for me and spoken directly into my heart. At those times, it's like the scriptures are etched permanently into my heart and I don't forget them. There are other times, however that I intently study for memorization so that I can have an arsenal of scriptures to use for witnessing with, encouraging with and clinging to. After all, 1 Peter 3 instructs that as believers, we are to have a ready defense.
I know that in my walk with the Lord there are going to be times when I feel like I am running and could run for days without resting, and it's wholly invigorating, not exhausting. I also know that at other times, it will be a struggle, for whatever reason, for me to be able to even get my tennis shoes on to go for a jog around the block with Him. But regardless of my mood or depth of pursuit on any one particular day, I do want to at least get my shoes on and get out to walk with Him, everyday.
In trying to honor Him, I have found myself in the last week or so reading the bible just to say to myself that I had 'gone for a walk' with the Lord, almost to check off my list that I had done right by him. I have, after all, been trying to commit His word to memory and I have been commanded to do so, so by default, aren't I being obedient and therefore honoring Him?
I can explain away my behavior with logic all I want, but at the end of the day, the Lord doesn't want mere behavior from me. I don't believe he cares that much about what I do if his first and foremost desire is not fulfilled--- to have relationship with me. I was reading in John 5 a few days ago and reading verses 39-40 it was like Jesus was thumping me on the head saying 'Don't you get it?! Here's what you should be doing! Pursue ME. Not just my word, but ME. I want relationship with you. And you need relationship with me!'
While it is good for me to commit His word to memory, it is not enough. Jesus doesn't want my head full of His words and that's it. Jesus wants my heart. I have always known this and yet it is so easy for me to forget amongst all the chaos and noise of life. He wants my heart. He wants me to pursue, desire, commit to HIM and our relationship. When I remember this, my heart brims over with joy. There is so much freedom in knowing that all He wants is for me to let go and give myself wholly to Him. And in that freedom, my beautiful joy is found.
Thank you, sweet and faithful Jesus, that what you desire most is my heart. Thank you that no matter what I do, it doesn't matter if I do it outside of relationship with you. I want to honor you and be obedient to you. Please keeping speaking your truth into my heart that the only way I can begin to do those things is by having relationship with you.
Hebrews 11:6 "For without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."
Monday, October 5, 2009
MERCY
Daniel 9
I know that I am a sinner, by nature, this is why I needed Jesus to begin with; because I realized this truth. So, I shouldn't be surprised when I get tangled up in sin and stumble yet again, despite the growth that I have seen spiritually. In fact, James 1 tells me that not only will I stumble, but even the fact that I am tempted to fall into sin is my own fault! Regardless of knowing that fact though, my heart becomes so burdened with grief when I foolishly commit acts of sin that I believed I had mastered or risen above.
As I struggle with accepting the reality of my specific sin, I find myself hiding myself from God, afraid to admit to Him what I've done. My fear is not so much that I worry about Him being angry at me, but more that I am afraid that His mercy will be out of my reach. Just as my heart has enticed me into temptation and sin, my heart also then condemns me for that sin. (1 John 3:19) I continually struggle with forgiving myself and accepting God's mercy and grace.
The Lord showed me today that not only am I foolish to hold onto such an un-truth, but also, that I am prideful in general. As I read in Daniel 9, verse 18 really struck me, saying "We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy." For me, it is easy to relate to the part that I am not righteous when I am fresh from sinning; of course I don't feel righteous then! However, for me to live under the illusion that when I'm not being dragged away by my own evil desires, that I am somehow righteous is completely false and inaccurate scripturally. God's word has told me over and over and over again that any righteousness that I do have is entirely because of my FAITH in who God is--- not because of anything I have done, evil or good. (Romans 1:17, 3:22, 4:5, 4:13, 9:30, Philippians 3:9, Hebrews 11:7) Despite that fact though, I find it much easier to accept His mercy when I don't feel burdened with guilt. Somehow, I believe the illusion that when I'm behaving in a 'righteous' manner that somehow, I have a right to ask for His mercy. But what His word showed me today is that it doesn't matter what I've done, His mercy is always greater than my sin and it is always because of who He is that he offers it, not because of what I have or have not done. So, whether I am caught in a tangled web of filth or I am faithfully pursuing His commands, the need for His mercy is the same. And, the source of the power of His mercy is unchangingly steady---- it's source is Him, not me. NOTHING I can do can change my need of His mercy or His ability or desire to extend it to me. I honestly cannot understand that truth, it is too abstractly beautiful, but I know that it is true.
Listen: New Mercy
"This is how we set our hearts at rest in His presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our Hearts and He knows everything." 1 John 3:19-20
"If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
Lord, thank you that your mercy is new every morning. I cannot expend it and yet I am always in need of it. Thank you for remembering that I am foolish and weak. And thank you that you can and will forgive me, every day. I cannot understand your grace, mercy, love, kindness and faithfulness. But, I accept it anyway and worship you for it.
I know that I am a sinner, by nature, this is why I needed Jesus to begin with; because I realized this truth. So, I shouldn't be surprised when I get tangled up in sin and stumble yet again, despite the growth that I have seen spiritually. In fact, James 1 tells me that not only will I stumble, but even the fact that I am tempted to fall into sin is my own fault! Regardless of knowing that fact though, my heart becomes so burdened with grief when I foolishly commit acts of sin that I believed I had mastered or risen above.
As I struggle with accepting the reality of my specific sin, I find myself hiding myself from God, afraid to admit to Him what I've done. My fear is not so much that I worry about Him being angry at me, but more that I am afraid that His mercy will be out of my reach. Just as my heart has enticed me into temptation and sin, my heart also then condemns me for that sin. (1 John 3:19) I continually struggle with forgiving myself and accepting God's mercy and grace.
The Lord showed me today that not only am I foolish to hold onto such an un-truth, but also, that I am prideful in general. As I read in Daniel 9, verse 18 really struck me, saying "We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy." For me, it is easy to relate to the part that I am not righteous when I am fresh from sinning; of course I don't feel righteous then! However, for me to live under the illusion that when I'm not being dragged away by my own evil desires, that I am somehow righteous is completely false and inaccurate scripturally. God's word has told me over and over and over again that any righteousness that I do have is entirely because of my FAITH in who God is--- not because of anything I have done, evil or good. (Romans 1:17, 3:22, 4:5, 4:13, 9:30, Philippians 3:9, Hebrews 11:7) Despite that fact though, I find it much easier to accept His mercy when I don't feel burdened with guilt. Somehow, I believe the illusion that when I'm behaving in a 'righteous' manner that somehow, I have a right to ask for His mercy. But what His word showed me today is that it doesn't matter what I've done, His mercy is always greater than my sin and it is always because of who He is that he offers it, not because of what I have or have not done. So, whether I am caught in a tangled web of filth or I am faithfully pursuing His commands, the need for His mercy is the same. And, the source of the power of His mercy is unchangingly steady---- it's source is Him, not me. NOTHING I can do can change my need of His mercy or His ability or desire to extend it to me. I honestly cannot understand that truth, it is too abstractly beautiful, but I know that it is true.
Listen: New Mercy
"This is how we set our hearts at rest in His presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our Hearts and He knows everything." 1 John 3:19-20
"If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
Lord, thank you that your mercy is new every morning. I cannot expend it and yet I am always in need of it. Thank you for remembering that I am foolish and weak. And thank you that you can and will forgive me, every day. I cannot understand your grace, mercy, love, kindness and faithfulness. But, I accept it anyway and worship you for it.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
MY TESTIMONY FOR BAPTISM
So, I have mentioned before that I was planning on getting baptized. It will be happening this weekend. The church has asked that I prepare a short testimony to share with the congregation the day of. Even though I have already written similar posts to this one, I felt compelled to share this one with you. In a nutshell, I am broken and He fixes. And I worship Him for that. And those two sentences are what ALL of creation is purposed for. So, here is my page in the book......
I don't have a radical, dramatic story of conversion. I am not a Paul. My story is much more subdued, but I'm sure, more common than a lot of us would like to think. Nevertheless, my story is one of grace. My story is about a broken sinner who is redeemed by Jesus Christ.
I accepted Jesus to be my savior when I was a young child, only 5 years old. At vacation bible school, I was told about the Son of God who wanted to come into my heart and be my savior. Although I was barely more than a baby, I knew deep within me on that day that God was calling for me to come to Him. That night at home, with my parents, I prayed and asked Him to come and live in my heart because I knew that I needed Him.
Although I had accepted salvation in Christ long ago, my walk of faith virtually stopped at my salvation with me going very little deeper over the next twenty years. I genuinely believed the triune God had saved me by His grace because I was a sinner who needed saving and was incapable of saving myself. Yet, despite that truth, I pursued life on my own terms. I did things my way. I considered my way, my desires, my feelings and my thoughts above all else. At times, I would superficially pursue God to see if He would give me the things I wanted on my own terms, and when He didn't, I scoffed at Him and turned back to pursue my own ways yet again. I did this back and forth game with the Lord for twenty years. I might have been 'saved', but I was very lost and so very broken. I lived my life deep into adulthood broken and in need of the redeeming power of Jesus Christ.
In the most recent months, the Lord has taught me so much about what true life with Him really looks like. He has shown me that He IS who He says He is. He has revealed to me that the reason I had such a broken life was because I was leading it, rather than letting Him be my Lord. I was doing the 'right' things, religious things, but I wasn't doing what He had really asked of me, to love Him above all else. I desired the abundant life but was not willing to give myself up in order to receive it. The Lord has taught me now, that the abundant life, the life resurrected in Him can ONLY come after the death we willingly submit to.
I am here today because after over twenty years of a hot and cold relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, I am proclaiming to my friends, my family, the world, and most importantly, my God, that I am ready to be married to Him. I choose this death, because with it comes the resurrected life. I know these things and can say them with humble joy because of the goodness of God. He is faithful. He is merciful. He is loving and kind. And it is because He has relentlessly pursued my heart over the last two decades that I can stand before you today and say 'This is my God. This is my Jesus. Isn't He beautiful for what He has done and what He will yet do?!' Hallelujah to our great King! So, after Christ's proclamation to the world that I am priceless to Him by giving His life for mine on the cross, I am here to proclaim to the world that He is priceless to me for that very same reason.
Listen: I Exalt Thee
I don't have a radical, dramatic story of conversion. I am not a Paul. My story is much more subdued, but I'm sure, more common than a lot of us would like to think. Nevertheless, my story is one of grace. My story is about a broken sinner who is redeemed by Jesus Christ.
I accepted Jesus to be my savior when I was a young child, only 5 years old. At vacation bible school, I was told about the Son of God who wanted to come into my heart and be my savior. Although I was barely more than a baby, I knew deep within me on that day that God was calling for me to come to Him. That night at home, with my parents, I prayed and asked Him to come and live in my heart because I knew that I needed Him.
Although I had accepted salvation in Christ long ago, my walk of faith virtually stopped at my salvation with me going very little deeper over the next twenty years. I genuinely believed the triune God had saved me by His grace because I was a sinner who needed saving and was incapable of saving myself. Yet, despite that truth, I pursued life on my own terms. I did things my way. I considered my way, my desires, my feelings and my thoughts above all else. At times, I would superficially pursue God to see if He would give me the things I wanted on my own terms, and when He didn't, I scoffed at Him and turned back to pursue my own ways yet again. I did this back and forth game with the Lord for twenty years. I might have been 'saved', but I was very lost and so very broken. I lived my life deep into adulthood broken and in need of the redeeming power of Jesus Christ.
In the most recent months, the Lord has taught me so much about what true life with Him really looks like. He has shown me that He IS who He says He is. He has revealed to me that the reason I had such a broken life was because I was leading it, rather than letting Him be my Lord. I was doing the 'right' things, religious things, but I wasn't doing what He had really asked of me, to love Him above all else. I desired the abundant life but was not willing to give myself up in order to receive it. The Lord has taught me now, that the abundant life, the life resurrected in Him can ONLY come after the death we willingly submit to.
I am here today because after over twenty years of a hot and cold relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, I am proclaiming to my friends, my family, the world, and most importantly, my God, that I am ready to be married to Him. I choose this death, because with it comes the resurrected life. I know these things and can say them with humble joy because of the goodness of God. He is faithful. He is merciful. He is loving and kind. And it is because He has relentlessly pursued my heart over the last two decades that I can stand before you today and say 'This is my God. This is my Jesus. Isn't He beautiful for what He has done and what He will yet do?!' Hallelujah to our great King! So, after Christ's proclamation to the world that I am priceless to Him by giving His life for mine on the cross, I am here to proclaim to the world that He is priceless to me for that very same reason.
Listen: I Exalt Thee
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
THE WILL OF GOD
Romans 12 and Matthew 14:22-36
I mentioned a few entries ago that I struggle a lot with discerning between the truth and lies within my own feelings. I think one of my biggest pitfalls in this area is that I have been expecting to find the will of God by listening to my feelings. I have been frustrated and disappointed when I have been diligently reading the bible and praying, but I still did not 'know' what God's will was for me. I believe the reason for this was that despite the fact that I was pursuing relationship with the Lord, I continued looking inward, to myself, trying to find Him. That doesn't even make sense! That's like looking into a mirror and expecting to see someone besides yourself staring back at you. It's just foolish.
The Lord has really been working in my heart on this issue. I have heard the verse of Romans 12:2 probably a million times over the course of my life. I read this verse for the one million and first time and it was almost as if I was reading it for the very first time. How foolish was I that I spent so much time and energy on my feelings, my heart and my emotions trying to find the will of God, when He clearly tells me exactly how to find it---- and it has nothing to do with my feelings!? In fact, this verse says "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your MIND, so you can test and approve what God's perfect WILL is." It is very clearly stated, in very simple terms, that I am to use the mind that the Lord gave me to pursue His will.
What does this look like? Well, for one, the transformation that comes from the renewing of your mind happens by being diligent in many areas of discipline. But perhaps the most important area is, by protecting your mind from the influences and forces of this world. The only way I know to do this is to bury myself in His word and to 'pray without ceasing' (1 Thessalonians 5:17, NASB).
What the Lord has shown me in addition to this idea of renewing my mind is that I must stop looking into a mirror trying to find Him. I have to look at Him if I want to know His heart for me. Just like when Jesus was walking on the water to the boat His disciples were on, I am like Peter. (Matt. 14) Peter immediately wanted Jesus to prove his divinity and sovereignty by giving Peter directions and steps to take. Jesus's response was 'Fine, come this way. But keep your eyes on me." Peter did so, but the second he stopped focusing his gaze on Jesus, he began sinking. I feel like Peter. I've been sinking because I haven't been looking directly at my Lord.
To this effect, the Psalms have given me some very direct and wise instruction. And turns out, it's pretty simple.
Psalms 27:8 "My heart says of you 'seek His face', your face, Lord, will I seek."
Psalms 17:15 "And I, in righteousness, will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness."
Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."
Lord, you are so patient with me when I am such a complete fool! I am so short sighted and have such little wisdom. Forgive my arrogant attitude that expects answer from you at the second I demand instruction. Your answer will likely always be 'seek My face'. Thank you for being so gentle with me as you faithfully repeat this simple truth to me over and over again. You are relentless and I worship you for that. All things, ALL THINGS, are for your glory. I love who you are and that you are my God!
I mentioned a few entries ago that I struggle a lot with discerning between the truth and lies within my own feelings. I think one of my biggest pitfalls in this area is that I have been expecting to find the will of God by listening to my feelings. I have been frustrated and disappointed when I have been diligently reading the bible and praying, but I still did not 'know' what God's will was for me. I believe the reason for this was that despite the fact that I was pursuing relationship with the Lord, I continued looking inward, to myself, trying to find Him. That doesn't even make sense! That's like looking into a mirror and expecting to see someone besides yourself staring back at you. It's just foolish.
The Lord has really been working in my heart on this issue. I have heard the verse of Romans 12:2 probably a million times over the course of my life. I read this verse for the one million and first time and it was almost as if I was reading it for the very first time. How foolish was I that I spent so much time and energy on my feelings, my heart and my emotions trying to find the will of God, when He clearly tells me exactly how to find it---- and it has nothing to do with my feelings!? In fact, this verse says "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your MIND, so you can test and approve what God's perfect WILL is." It is very clearly stated, in very simple terms, that I am to use the mind that the Lord gave me to pursue His will.
What does this look like? Well, for one, the transformation that comes from the renewing of your mind happens by being diligent in many areas of discipline. But perhaps the most important area is, by protecting your mind from the influences and forces of this world. The only way I know to do this is to bury myself in His word and to 'pray without ceasing' (1 Thessalonians 5:17, NASB).
What the Lord has shown me in addition to this idea of renewing my mind is that I must stop looking into a mirror trying to find Him. I have to look at Him if I want to know His heart for me. Just like when Jesus was walking on the water to the boat His disciples were on, I am like Peter. (Matt. 14) Peter immediately wanted Jesus to prove his divinity and sovereignty by giving Peter directions and steps to take. Jesus's response was 'Fine, come this way. But keep your eyes on me." Peter did so, but the second he stopped focusing his gaze on Jesus, he began sinking. I feel like Peter. I've been sinking because I haven't been looking directly at my Lord.
To this effect, the Psalms have given me some very direct and wise instruction. And turns out, it's pretty simple.
Psalms 27:8 "My heart says of you 'seek His face', your face, Lord, will I seek."
Psalms 17:15 "And I, in righteousness, will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness."
Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."
Lord, you are so patient with me when I am such a complete fool! I am so short sighted and have such little wisdom. Forgive my arrogant attitude that expects answer from you at the second I demand instruction. Your answer will likely always be 'seek My face'. Thank you for being so gentle with me as you faithfully repeat this simple truth to me over and over again. You are relentless and I worship you for that. All things, ALL THINGS, are for your glory. I love who you are and that you are my God!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
WHY THE 'BOX'?
Read: A section in each Gospel (linked below)
Matthew 26:6-13
Mark 14:1-66
Luke 7:36-50
John 12:1-11 (**See note)
There is an account in each one of the gospels about a woman who pours out her alabaster jar on Jesus as an act of her love and devotion to Him. In these accounts, people watching her do this criticize her harshly because they deem her act to be foolish and incredibly wasteful. They thought this because at the time, alabaster jars stored very expensive perfume. From what I understand, they were so valuable that they could have been included as part of the dowry of a Jewish woman. So, for a woman to take part or all of her dowry and wastefully pour it all out, at once, was too much for the onlookers to fathom. Jesus' response to both the onlookers and to the woman who offered him this unabashed act of affection was that what she had done was a beautiful thing. In fact, He said that it was such a splendid thing that "wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her." (Matthew 26:13 and Mark 14:9)
About five years ago, I did a bible study during which the study touched on the subject of the 'alabaster box' (also called 'jar'). The Lord showed me through that study that although I don't have a dowry, I do have an alabaster box. Within that box is the most treasured, cherished, valued and costly thing that I have in my life. At the the time that He showed me this, I did not yet know what my box contained. It wasn't perfume, but it was just as costly as the nard that was in the woman's jar from scripture. This truth was so heavy on my heart and it never left me. Over time, the Lord revealed to me what was in my alabaster box. It was a seemingly simple thing.... my heart. Just as the Lord called beautiful the lavish affection that the woman showed in pouring out her box on Him, so would He say the same to me. All I needed to do was open my box and pour out my heart on Him, without reserving anything for myself.
It took me several years once I understood this call from Him to be able to have the faith to act on this conviction. But, when I finally chose to open that box and lavish the contents of my heart on Him, He has been faithful to respond to me with the same response he offered the Jewish woman in the bible. It has been out of the sacrifice of that alabaster box of mine that I have come to know beautiful intimacy with the Lord. And, I believe it is because of the 'wasted' cost of it's contents that He has responded by filling me with a gift far more valuable---He has given me Himself. It is for this reason that I chose to name my blog after the concept of this 'box'.
Listen: 'More Precious Than Silver'
**After much studying of these passages, I realize that there reasonable debate over whether each of these sections are in fact, an account of the exact same event. I chose to include them all, regardless of the seemingly lack of clarity on this issue. I decided this because the message conveyed to me can be seen in each passage, even if they are actually records of separate events.
HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER
Today's Read: Psalm 136
I know I usually just link the scriptures that I am focusing on rather than including the text directly. But this time, I wanted to share directly with you this Psalm. I cannot read this Psalm and not respond with stillness and quiet in my heart. The wonder of truth in this scripture is very humbling. How great is the Lord's love for me! What I think I love the most about this section of scripture is the circumstances in which He loves me and the actions that He uses to show that to me.
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever.
I know I usually just link the scriptures that I am focusing on rather than including the text directly. But this time, I wanted to share directly with you this Psalm. I cannot read this Psalm and not respond with stillness and quiet in my heart. The wonder of truth in this scripture is very humbling. How great is the Lord's love for me! What I think I love the most about this section of scripture is the circumstances in which He loves me and the actions that He uses to show that to me.
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever.
===> Just by being who He IS, He loves.
To him who alone does great wonders, His love endures forever.
Who by his understanding made the heavens, His love endures forever.
who spread out the earth upon the waters, His love endures forever.
who made the great lights— His love endures forever.
the sun to govern the day, His love endures forever.
the moon and stars to govern the night; His love endures forever.
===> In and by His creation, He loves.
to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt, His love endures forever.
and brought Israel out from among them, His love endures forever.
===> Even in acts that outsiders might deem cruel or unfair, He is demonstrating His love for HIS children. He is demonstrating that even in things that we cannot understand, He is loving us.
with a mighty hand and outstretched arm; His love endures forever.
to him who divided the Red Sea asunder, His love endures forever.
and brought Israel through the midst of it, His love endures forever.
but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea; His love endures forever.
to him who led his people through the desert, His love endures forever.
who struck down great kings, His love endures forever.
and killed mighty kings— His love endures forever.
Sihon king of the Amorites, His love endures forever.
and Og king of Bashan— His love endures forever.
===> As He protects, leads, FIGHTS, for us, He loves.
and gave their land as an inheritance, His love endures forever.
an inheritance to his servant Israel; His love endures forever.
to the One who remembered us in our low estate, His love endures forever.
and freed us from our enemies, His love endures forever.
and who gives food to every creature. His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.
===> Even as we are totally undeserving, He blesses us with so much generosity of spirit. In His endless giving to us, He loves.
He loves just by being who He is and doing what He does. Everything that He does is an expression of His love for us. His nature, His creation, His protection, His gifts...... all examples and acts of His love. He loves in ways that I am incapable of loving. I can hardly love effectively when I try to, much less just by being who I am! The truth in this Psalm causes me to be still with the wonder of His love for me, and it brings me so much peaceful rest.
Father, thank you for loving me beyond all capability of my understanding. I know that I can never fully know the depth and breadth of your love for me. I pray that you would continue to reveal it to me, though and that you would continue to give me a heart that joyfully receives it.
IT'S NOT A FORMULA
Tonight's Read: Mark 10
"Our hearts have been described as a 'zoo of lusts, a bedlam of ambitions, a nursery of fears, and a harem of fondled hatreds'." - Max Anders in 30 Days to Understanding the Bible
The bible tells us that "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure" (Jeremiah 17:9) and I find this to be very true for myself. As a part of my natural personality, I have a difficult time wading through my own feelings and emotions and understanding them. Because of this, I tend to get easily weighed down by my heart. I find it difficult to discern what is just my heart and what is the Holy Spirit speaking to me. Of course there are some times when the voice of God is very clear. But more often than not, I get lost in my feelings.
When this happens, I find myself coming to the Lord looking for answers. I prayerfully ask Him to show me they way, to give me the discernment to sort through my feelings and come out on top, led by His spirit. While I don't believe this prayer is inherently wrong, The Lord has shown me that sometimes, it is not necessary. Sometimes, I need to just seek Him. Not seek Him to find a way, or to answer my questions, but just to be with Him. And likely, whatever question marks I have in my heart will fade in the face of Him. My questions will lose all meaning and significance when I am reminded of who He is.
Tonight I was reading in Mark chapter ten. In this section of scripture, different people ask questions of Jesus regarding how they should live. They ask questions about proper protocol for divorce, paying taxes and tithes, and pursuing life as a disciple of God. In the heart of each question, seems to be a desire for a 'formula' to follow so that the asker can act accordingly and go on about their life. These people are basically asking Jesus for a play by play plan for how to live their lives appropriately. Jesus' response to each question seems to be a repetitive "There is no formula. There is no exact plan to live by. There is no simple, direct answer to the questions that you ask."
The heart of Jesus' response can be found boiled down in his answer to the rich man who wanted to follow Him. (Mark 10:21) In this verse, Jesus, out of his love for the man, tells him to forsake ALL that He has and then follow after Him.
When I read this tonight, I believed it was Jesus' response to me as well. I have been asking Him questions about the muddy waters of my heart. I have been asking Him to reveal to me rules to follow and steps to take. And His answer to me is: "There is no plan. The plan is come to me and cling to nothing else"
He drives a hard bargain. He doesn't say come to Him and then, with baby steps, let go of other things that you hold dear. He says let go of everything that you hold on to and then come to Him and cling to Him. Doing this takes great faith. I know the sorrow of the rich man when Jesus asked him to sell all his wealth. My 'wealth' is not monetary. But regardless, I know the man's sorrow. It is scary and it hurts to let go of the things you cling to. But that is the way. There is no formula. The only formula is to cling to Him and nothing else.
Lord, what you ask us to do before following you is truly difficult. I pray that you would give me the wisdom and the conviction of heart to pursue you in this way. You have pursued my heart relentlessly to win me over. I pray that I could, in return, pursue you wholly, loyally, and completely. I pray that you would give me the strength to cling to only YOU. You are my stronghold, my portion and my cup. You are ENOUGH for me. I pray that you would gently remind me of this sweet truth.
Pslam 119:28 "My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word."
Isaiah 40:29 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."
Thursday, August 27, 2009
HE SAID 'NEITHER DO I'
Read: All over the place in the bible!
I have to admit, I struggle a lot with forgiving myself for the sin that the Lord has already forgiven me for. I know that my rebellious past is over and done with. But, I carry immense sorrow over the reality of what it is. I trust that the Lord loves me and will forgive me. But I guess by default I struggle with the 'and forgives me' part or I wouldn't be here writing this.
My doubting the completeness of His forgiveness is all at the same time false, weak (on my part), foolish, deceitful, and offensive. The devil is dubbed 'the father of lies' (John 8:44) for a reason--- he loves to speak things into our hearts that make us doubt what the Lord has said or done and also, to make us immobile in our walk with him. To believe the devil's lies over the Lord good truth must be terribly hurtful and offensive to the Lord.
The Lord knows where I am and is faithful to meet me right where I am. So, as I struggle with this off and on, the Lord has been gently nudging me with His word, reminding me of His TRUTH over satan's lies. For example, I need not worry about my sin because He has made my redemption complete. "It is finished"(John 19:30) he said as he was dying on the cross. Did He mean His life on this earth? Did He mean the crucifixion? NO! He meant, the justification for MY SINS was finished---it was made complete on that day. I need not offer sacrifices or adhere to strict religious law. I need not live by some code in order to atone for my follies. He was my sacrifice and he fulfilled/completed/'finished' the law. So, for me to doubt that I am good enough to overcome the sins of my past is just plain wrong. He said, with those three words, that He has made me good enough. I need not worry.
So, I have been clinging to several verses when I am tempted to hold on to these feelings of unworthiness based on lies. Here they are:
Ephesians 4:22-24 Tells me that I am corrupted by my 'evil desires' to rely on my feelings rather than His truth that tells me His power is greater than my feelings. And, it also encourages me to forget the past and move on! My feelings are based on nothing but happenstance and hormones. The truth of His complete forgiveness is based in His wholly unchanging nature.
Isaiah 43:18-19 tells me that I shouldn't worry about old things because what is being worked in my life is so much greater a positive thing than my past was a negative thing. The new trumps the old. HIS work in my life now trumps anything of MINE that happened in the past. He has the trump card, period. My stuff is insignificant.
Isaiah 43:25 is quite possibly the most dumbfounding one for me. It tells me that the ALL KNOWING God no longer remembers my sin. Once I seek His forgiveness and offer to Him my failings, they are gone from His memory bank. As a human, I might be able to 'delete' my stuff, but I find it deeply difficult to figure out how to then empty the 'recycle' bin in my heart. I can try to remove it, but it's never really gone. When HE removes it, IT IS GONE. Man, that's awesome!
So basically, when I am reminded by these truths, I feel very convicted to let it go. I feel convicted to stop condemning myself. He has redeemed me. How can I call something unclean that the Lord has already declared clean? I'm a fool if I think I carry that much weight.
Lord, I thank you for perfecting me and justifying me. In one act, you made me clean. Forgive me for believing the devil's lies that my sins are greater than your forgiveness. Forgive me for doubting that I can fully move past my most shameful moments. Forgive me for forgetting to trust that your word is true. I love you for what you've done for me. I love you for what you're doing in me. I love you for what you're going to do in and for me. I love you for the goodness of who you are.
John 8:10-11 "Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared."
I have to admit, I struggle a lot with forgiving myself for the sin that the Lord has already forgiven me for. I know that my rebellious past is over and done with. But, I carry immense sorrow over the reality of what it is. I trust that the Lord loves me and will forgive me. But I guess by default I struggle with the 'and forgives me' part or I wouldn't be here writing this.
My doubting the completeness of His forgiveness is all at the same time false, weak (on my part), foolish, deceitful, and offensive. The devil is dubbed 'the father of lies' (John 8:44) for a reason--- he loves to speak things into our hearts that make us doubt what the Lord has said or done and also, to make us immobile in our walk with him. To believe the devil's lies over the Lord good truth must be terribly hurtful and offensive to the Lord.
The Lord knows where I am and is faithful to meet me right where I am. So, as I struggle with this off and on, the Lord has been gently nudging me with His word, reminding me of His TRUTH over satan's lies. For example, I need not worry about my sin because He has made my redemption complete. "It is finished"(John 19:30) he said as he was dying on the cross. Did He mean His life on this earth? Did He mean the crucifixion? NO! He meant, the justification for MY SINS was finished---it was made complete on that day. I need not offer sacrifices or adhere to strict religious law. I need not live by some code in order to atone for my follies. He was my sacrifice and he fulfilled/completed/'finished' the law. So, for me to doubt that I am good enough to overcome the sins of my past is just plain wrong. He said, with those three words, that He has made me good enough. I need not worry.
So, I have been clinging to several verses when I am tempted to hold on to these feelings of unworthiness based on lies. Here they are:
Ephesians 4:22-24 Tells me that I am corrupted by my 'evil desires' to rely on my feelings rather than His truth that tells me His power is greater than my feelings. And, it also encourages me to forget the past and move on! My feelings are based on nothing but happenstance and hormones. The truth of His complete forgiveness is based in His wholly unchanging nature.
Isaiah 43:18-19 tells me that I shouldn't worry about old things because what is being worked in my life is so much greater a positive thing than my past was a negative thing. The new trumps the old. HIS work in my life now trumps anything of MINE that happened in the past. He has the trump card, period. My stuff is insignificant.
Isaiah 43:25 is quite possibly the most dumbfounding one for me. It tells me that the ALL KNOWING God no longer remembers my sin. Once I seek His forgiveness and offer to Him my failings, they are gone from His memory bank. As a human, I might be able to 'delete' my stuff, but I find it deeply difficult to figure out how to then empty the 'recycle' bin in my heart. I can try to remove it, but it's never really gone. When HE removes it, IT IS GONE. Man, that's awesome!
So basically, when I am reminded by these truths, I feel very convicted to let it go. I feel convicted to stop condemning myself. He has redeemed me. How can I call something unclean that the Lord has already declared clean? I'm a fool if I think I carry that much weight.
Lord, I thank you for perfecting me and justifying me. In one act, you made me clean. Forgive me for believing the devil's lies that my sins are greater than your forgiveness. Forgive me for doubting that I can fully move past my most shameful moments. Forgive me for forgetting to trust that your word is true. I love you for what you've done for me. I love you for what you're doing in me. I love you for what you're going to do in and for me. I love you for the goodness of who you are.
John 8:10-11 "Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared."
JUST ONE OF THE ISRAELITES
Read: Old Testament History (Genesis to Esther-ish)
I was studying yesterday the history of the old testament and the Hebrew people. I am familiar with the history, but reading it all in one sitting brought some new truth into light for me.** For the Israelites, God promised a homeland for them. Not because they earned it, but because He loves them and because HE is good. Regardless of what they did, they would see the promised land. BUT, when they arrived, they found every excuse in the world for why they could not actually take what He had prepared and saved for them. As a result of their rejection, they got their 40 years of aimless wandering. The Lord didn't revoke His promise or take away His blessing, but, He did make them wander as a result of their rebellion. He told them what to do and where to go in order to receive their promise and they said "'nah, that's too hard, we don't want to fight for our land, we'll just settle here." Quite frankly, it ticked God off. However, He STILL gave them their promise, they just had to wait and wait and wait for it.
Reading this felt like a huge thump on my forehead from God. I feel like He has promised me a husband and a future with a family. I believe once He promises that, He will make good on His promise. But, I am still subject to doing what He says and as He leads. Because I haven't been 100% completely and wholly submitted to Him in all areas of my life in the past--- really up until right now--I see this as rebellion.
I couldn't help but see a parallel between the Israelites and myself in this area. They were promised a home, I feel like I have been promised a home (a husband and family). They were instructed to work/fight for their land that was being occupied by other people at the time they arrived. I was instructed to work/fight by going against the grain of cultural standards and pursuing romantic relationships that are God honoring. It's not easy to do this, and for me, it was like the Israelites saying "nah, that's too hard, we don't want to fight for our land, we'll just settle here". And just as the Israelites wandered, I feel like I have been made to wander as a result of my refusal to do as He leads.
I can't say that this is the reason for extended singleness for everyone. There are many fully devoted and submitted christians who aren't blessed with a mate until they have waited for a VERY long time. However, I couldn't help but wonder if this was God speaking to me about my specific case and even possibly, the general case of our generation.
**I must throw in a quick recommendation here. I studied the structure of the bible and the History of the old testament using the book Understanding the Bible in 30 Days by Max Anders. The book covers the entire bible: history, structure, geography, themes, theology..... you name it. I won't go into too many details. However, I urge anyone, new believer or lifelong christian to read/study this book. It is AWESOME.
I was studying yesterday the history of the old testament and the Hebrew people. I am familiar with the history, but reading it all in one sitting brought some new truth into light for me.** For the Israelites, God promised a homeland for them. Not because they earned it, but because He loves them and because HE is good. Regardless of what they did, they would see the promised land. BUT, when they arrived, they found every excuse in the world for why they could not actually take what He had prepared and saved for them. As a result of their rejection, they got their 40 years of aimless wandering. The Lord didn't revoke His promise or take away His blessing, but, He did make them wander as a result of their rebellion. He told them what to do and where to go in order to receive their promise and they said "'nah, that's too hard, we don't want to fight for our land, we'll just settle here." Quite frankly, it ticked God off. However, He STILL gave them their promise, they just had to wait and wait and wait for it.
Reading this felt like a huge thump on my forehead from God. I feel like He has promised me a husband and a future with a family. I believe once He promises that, He will make good on His promise. But, I am still subject to doing what He says and as He leads. Because I haven't been 100% completely and wholly submitted to Him in all areas of my life in the past--- really up until right now--I see this as rebellion.
I couldn't help but see a parallel between the Israelites and myself in this area. They were promised a home, I feel like I have been promised a home (a husband and family). They were instructed to work/fight for their land that was being occupied by other people at the time they arrived. I was instructed to work/fight by going against the grain of cultural standards and pursuing romantic relationships that are God honoring. It's not easy to do this, and for me, it was like the Israelites saying "nah, that's too hard, we don't want to fight for our land, we'll just settle here". And just as the Israelites wandered, I feel like I have been made to wander as a result of my refusal to do as He leads.
I can't say that this is the reason for extended singleness for everyone. There are many fully devoted and submitted christians who aren't blessed with a mate until they have waited for a VERY long time. However, I couldn't help but wonder if this was God speaking to me about my specific case and even possibly, the general case of our generation.
**I must throw in a quick recommendation here. I studied the structure of the bible and the History of the old testament using the book Understanding the Bible in 30 Days by Max Anders. The book covers the entire bible: history, structure, geography, themes, theology..... you name it. I won't go into too many details. However, I urge anyone, new believer or lifelong christian to read/study this book. It is AWESOME.
Monday, August 24, 2009
BAPTISM AND RESURECTION: NO TURNING BACK
Read: Matthew 4-5
As I have mentioned before, I have been a believer for ever 20 years. I accepted Christ as my Savior way back I was five years old. But, I have spent the remainder of my life struggling to allow Him to be not only my Savior, but also my Lord, which is infinitely harder to do. I have been baptized, of my own accord, when I was eight. I remember wanting to do it, but I had no understanding of what it really meant. And even though I am almost embarrassed to say it, I don't know that I really even understood what it symbolized until just the last year or so.
My problem (or one of my problems, rather) is that I want to live a life with the power of Christ's resurrection, but I have not been willing to share with Him in death. Baptism symbolizes this process. In order to have new life, you must give up your old life. In order to be raised up from the dead, you must first die. In order to share in His resurrection, you must first share in His death. I have missed this utterly important principle for most of my life. Although I understood in my head, I couldn't hinge my life on it, because my heart didn't 'get it'.
In choosing to trust Him fully, I am, by default, choosing the death of my own life for myself. Even though it is a death that I must die each and every day, it is such a sweet death. Those words are strange to hear, but it's true. But, it is sweet to me, because I know it is sweet to Him. Ephesians 5:2 tells that His death is sweet to the Lord, and my death is as well.
I feel like I have been dating the Lord off an on for most of my life. During some periods, I was really committed and loyal to Him and then a certain turn of events would leave me choosing to neglect Him and tend to my selfish desires. After 22 years of wobbling on my feeble feet, I am choosing to allow Him to teach me how to walk steadily. After a lifetime of casually 'dating' the Lord, I want to proclaim to world that I have made up my mind, and that I am His. I am being baptized. It will take place towards the end of next month and I am inviting all my family, friends and acquaintances to join in celebrating with me. Because it is, in fact, something worth celebrating.
I have thought about taking this step for a long time. But I it was in the last month or two that I realized I truly wanted to go through with it. It hit me when I was reading in Matthew 4-5 about the life of Jesus. Although Jesus always knew who He was, who His God and Father was and what His destiny was to be, it wasn't until AFTER His baptism that His ministry began. I couldn't help but wonder if part of the reason why I have struggled with my own personal 'ministry' was that I wasn't willing to take part in that very first step, baptism. I have virtually always known who He is and what my destiny is to be (a vessel to be used by His love and gracious power). But, I have yet to be baptized as someone who understands what it means.
So, after 22 years of knowing Jesus Christ as my savior, I am choosing to allow Him to be my Lord. I am choosing to share in His baptism, to share in His death, and to share in His resurrection. And possibly most importantly, to proclaim to the world that I am fully committed to this God who is mighty to save. My hope is in Him. And although I have been unfaithful to Him with all of my 'wobbling' over the years, He is ever faithful. I want to joyfully proclaim this and share this sweet truth with the world.
"I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. No turning back."
As I have mentioned before, I have been a believer for ever 20 years. I accepted Christ as my Savior way back I was five years old. But, I have spent the remainder of my life struggling to allow Him to be not only my Savior, but also my Lord, which is infinitely harder to do. I have been baptized, of my own accord, when I was eight. I remember wanting to do it, but I had no understanding of what it really meant. And even though I am almost embarrassed to say it, I don't know that I really even understood what it symbolized until just the last year or so.
My problem (or one of my problems, rather) is that I want to live a life with the power of Christ's resurrection, but I have not been willing to share with Him in death. Baptism symbolizes this process. In order to have new life, you must give up your old life. In order to be raised up from the dead, you must first die. In order to share in His resurrection, you must first share in His death. I have missed this utterly important principle for most of my life. Although I understood in my head, I couldn't hinge my life on it, because my heart didn't 'get it'.
In choosing to trust Him fully, I am, by default, choosing the death of my own life for myself. Even though it is a death that I must die each and every day, it is such a sweet death. Those words are strange to hear, but it's true. But, it is sweet to me, because I know it is sweet to Him. Ephesians 5:2 tells that His death is sweet to the Lord, and my death is as well.
I feel like I have been dating the Lord off an on for most of my life. During some periods, I was really committed and loyal to Him and then a certain turn of events would leave me choosing to neglect Him and tend to my selfish desires. After 22 years of wobbling on my feeble feet, I am choosing to allow Him to teach me how to walk steadily. After a lifetime of casually 'dating' the Lord, I want to proclaim to world that I have made up my mind, and that I am His. I am being baptized. It will take place towards the end of next month and I am inviting all my family, friends and acquaintances to join in celebrating with me. Because it is, in fact, something worth celebrating.
I have thought about taking this step for a long time. But I it was in the last month or two that I realized I truly wanted to go through with it. It hit me when I was reading in Matthew 4-5 about the life of Jesus. Although Jesus always knew who He was, who His God and Father was and what His destiny was to be, it wasn't until AFTER His baptism that His ministry began. I couldn't help but wonder if part of the reason why I have struggled with my own personal 'ministry' was that I wasn't willing to take part in that very first step, baptism. I have virtually always known who He is and what my destiny is to be (a vessel to be used by His love and gracious power). But, I have yet to be baptized as someone who understands what it means.
So, after 22 years of knowing Jesus Christ as my savior, I am choosing to allow Him to be my Lord. I am choosing to share in His baptism, to share in His death, and to share in His resurrection. And possibly most importantly, to proclaim to the world that I am fully committed to this God who is mighty to save. My hope is in Him. And although I have been unfaithful to Him with all of my 'wobbling' over the years, He is ever faithful. I want to joyfully proclaim this and share this sweet truth with the world.
"I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. No turning back."
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
MY STORY PART II
Reading: Luke 14:25-34 and 1 Timothy 1 and 4
The first part of my story ended with my question of why I hesitated going all in for the Lord, even though I knew, in the depths of my heart, who He is. After a lot of prayer and studying of His word, I believe I understand much of the issue now. In Luke 14, Jesus himself warns us that it will not be easy to follow Him. In fact, He warns us to 'count the cost' of following Him. What I take from this passage is that I might as well not head down this road (of following Jesus) if I will only have to give up and return because I'm not willing to do/be/say/go as Jesus leads. I realize now, that for all my years of teetering on the fence that divided my will from His, I wavered because I was 'counting the cost'. I never could decide if I was willing to forsake everything in exchange for Jesus. Well, I guess my indecision was, in fact, a decision. My choice was 'no'. I wasn't willing to pay the cost.
I have found that the Lord is so very patient and gracious. He waited on me all these years to 'count the cost' of following Him in my life. Since I have finally come to a place that I have decided that nothing in this world is worth more than my Jesus, He has welcomed me with loving, open arms.
So, now I must live this love relationship out. And in doing so, I must be prepared to share my story with people who don't know the fullness of His love and grace. To do so, I have pulled some verses that I feel sums up the heart of my walk at this point in my life. In a nutshell, here is my story.
FOR WHO I LIVE AND WHY:
1 Timothy 1:15-16 "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners---of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life."
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR ME:
1 Timothy 4:9-10 "This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for this we strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe."
WHAT TO DO NOW:
1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
WHAT I STRIVE FOR:
1 Timothy 4:15-16 " Be diligent in these matters, give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and your doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, will save both yourself and your hearers."
So basically, it is four, or really three, very simple things that sums up my heart right now:
1. Jesus Christ loves and saves me with His unbelievable grace.
2. I will put my trust and hope in Him.
3. I will be diligent to live by His standards so that others can see the power of His grace and also come to know and live under it.
**It is so very important to note here that the 'living by His standards' part comes after the 'accepting His grace' part. I cannot be good enough for Him. I am not working to live by His way to earn His approval, but because I love Him and want to honor Him. His saving grace is already mine. Hallelujah for that!
The first part of my story ended with my question of why I hesitated going all in for the Lord, even though I knew, in the depths of my heart, who He is. After a lot of prayer and studying of His word, I believe I understand much of the issue now. In Luke 14, Jesus himself warns us that it will not be easy to follow Him. In fact, He warns us to 'count the cost' of following Him. What I take from this passage is that I might as well not head down this road (of following Jesus) if I will only have to give up and return because I'm not willing to do/be/say/go as Jesus leads. I realize now, that for all my years of teetering on the fence that divided my will from His, I wavered because I was 'counting the cost'. I never could decide if I was willing to forsake everything in exchange for Jesus. Well, I guess my indecision was, in fact, a decision. My choice was 'no'. I wasn't willing to pay the cost.
I have found that the Lord is so very patient and gracious. He waited on me all these years to 'count the cost' of following Him in my life. Since I have finally come to a place that I have decided that nothing in this world is worth more than my Jesus, He has welcomed me with loving, open arms.
So, now I must live this love relationship out. And in doing so, I must be prepared to share my story with people who don't know the fullness of His love and grace. To do so, I have pulled some verses that I feel sums up the heart of my walk at this point in my life. In a nutshell, here is my story.
FOR WHO I LIVE AND WHY:
1 Timothy 1:15-16 "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners---of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life."
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR ME:
1 Timothy 4:9-10 "This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for this we strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe."
WHAT TO DO NOW:
1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
WHAT I STRIVE FOR:
1 Timothy 4:15-16 " Be diligent in these matters, give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and your doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, will save both yourself and your hearers."
So basically, it is four, or really three, very simple things that sums up my heart right now:
1. Jesus Christ loves and saves me with His unbelievable grace.
2. I will put my trust and hope in Him.
3. I will be diligent to live by His standards so that others can see the power of His grace and also come to know and live under it.
**It is so very important to note here that the 'living by His standards' part comes after the 'accepting His grace' part. I cannot be good enough for Him. I am not working to live by His way to earn His approval, but because I love Him and want to honor Him. His saving grace is already mine. Hallelujah for that!
THE FATHER OF ROMANCE
Tonight's Read: Song of Songs
"The problem with a living sacrifice is that it has a tendency to constantly crawl off the altar." - Unknown (Unfortunately, I couldn't find the author of that quote)
There is no denying that if you want to be a follower of Christ, that you will have to give things up in order to really pursue Him. We must daily offer our sacrifices to Him, continually putting them on the altar of His grace. For me, right now especially, I am laying at the altar the control I wish to have over my dating/romantic life. I have tried to date my own way and I give up on it. I have decided to follow His ways and His standards, especially in the arena of dating. I have surrendered to His standard of holiness and eagerly look forward to the next relationship that He will bless me with, because I know that it will be done right---it will be done His way. I have a lot of peace in knowing that.
However, I have allowed the devil to creep near to me and whisper lies into my heart about this subject. The fears I have been battling the last few days have been about forfeiting romance. I am submitted to the Lord in that I trust Him to provide for me, emotionally. However, I would be lying if I said I didn't feel somewhat sorrowful over the idea that I must exchange romance for holiness. But, in my desire for obedience, my heart is saying 'Lord, I hate that I may not ever have romance again, but I will do things your way anyway."
I am not a fairy tale kind of girl. I don't expect poems and roses and butterflies like in some cheesy chick flick. But, regardless, the desire for genuine romance was woven into my heart during its formation in the womb. I'm a woman---- that's who we are. Where my lack of faith comes into play is where I believed this lie that I must say goodbye to romance. The enemy, the father of lies, is chanting this into my heart. And it is simply not true. As I battled with this concern today, I decided to read Song of Songs again. It offered me so much encouragement when I read it last, that I thought I needed to revisit this love letter from the Lord.
Reading this book again, I found so much comfort on two levels. For one, I was reminded of the Lord's great love for me. No matter what I was struggling with, it is soothing to my heart to be reminded that he finds me 'beautiful' (v. 1:15) and 'flawless' (4:7). That 'His banner over me is love' (2:4) and that I have 'stolen His heart' (4:9). To be the object of that kind of affection is a beautiful and wonderful thing.
Reading Song of Songs for this second time though, I realized that I need not worry about having the opportunity to be fulfilled romantically. The bible is FULL of things God created, both tangible and intangible. He created man and woman (tangible) and he also created the concepts of marriage and family (intangible). I realized tonight that He is also the father and creator of romance! Read like an allegory, Song of Songs actually is a love letter from God to me. But read literally, Song of Songs is one of the most beautiful stories of romance ever written. The magnitude of these lovers' passion rivals that of the greatest stories written by Shakespeare, Browning and the like. How could I doubt that this God, who loves me and created romance, ask me to forsake ever experiencing it?
Reading tonight felt like God's shouts of reassurance and encouragement over the enemy's whispers of lies. I serve such a gracious, tender, merciful and loving God. How lucky am I that He is mine---my King!
So, I will rise again tomorrow morning and place this back on the altar, even though I know at some point the whispers of the devil will call to my sacrifice to crawl back down off the altar. Lucky for me, my God is patient and forgiving, and will allow me to return, yet again, with my living sacrifice. And by His grace, I will come.
Lord, you are so beautiful. I will trust you to be enough for me. Your word tells me that I have stolen your heart. I will cling to that truth and find my joy and identity in knowing that I am loved by the King.
"The problem with a living sacrifice is that it has a tendency to constantly crawl off the altar." - Unknown (Unfortunately, I couldn't find the author of that quote)
There is no denying that if you want to be a follower of Christ, that you will have to give things up in order to really pursue Him. We must daily offer our sacrifices to Him, continually putting them on the altar of His grace. For me, right now especially, I am laying at the altar the control I wish to have over my dating/romantic life. I have tried to date my own way and I give up on it. I have decided to follow His ways and His standards, especially in the arena of dating. I have surrendered to His standard of holiness and eagerly look forward to the next relationship that He will bless me with, because I know that it will be done right---it will be done His way. I have a lot of peace in knowing that.
However, I have allowed the devil to creep near to me and whisper lies into my heart about this subject. The fears I have been battling the last few days have been about forfeiting romance. I am submitted to the Lord in that I trust Him to provide for me, emotionally. However, I would be lying if I said I didn't feel somewhat sorrowful over the idea that I must exchange romance for holiness. But, in my desire for obedience, my heart is saying 'Lord, I hate that I may not ever have romance again, but I will do things your way anyway."
I am not a fairy tale kind of girl. I don't expect poems and roses and butterflies like in some cheesy chick flick. But, regardless, the desire for genuine romance was woven into my heart during its formation in the womb. I'm a woman---- that's who we are. Where my lack of faith comes into play is where I believed this lie that I must say goodbye to romance. The enemy, the father of lies, is chanting this into my heart. And it is simply not true. As I battled with this concern today, I decided to read Song of Songs again. It offered me so much encouragement when I read it last, that I thought I needed to revisit this love letter from the Lord.
Reading this book again, I found so much comfort on two levels. For one, I was reminded of the Lord's great love for me. No matter what I was struggling with, it is soothing to my heart to be reminded that he finds me 'beautiful' (v. 1:15) and 'flawless' (4:7). That 'His banner over me is love' (2:4) and that I have 'stolen His heart' (4:9). To be the object of that kind of affection is a beautiful and wonderful thing.
Reading Song of Songs for this second time though, I realized that I need not worry about having the opportunity to be fulfilled romantically. The bible is FULL of things God created, both tangible and intangible. He created man and woman (tangible) and he also created the concepts of marriage and family (intangible). I realized tonight that He is also the father and creator of romance! Read like an allegory, Song of Songs actually is a love letter from God to me. But read literally, Song of Songs is one of the most beautiful stories of romance ever written. The magnitude of these lovers' passion rivals that of the greatest stories written by Shakespeare, Browning and the like. How could I doubt that this God, who loves me and created romance, ask me to forsake ever experiencing it?
Reading tonight felt like God's shouts of reassurance and encouragement over the enemy's whispers of lies. I serve such a gracious, tender, merciful and loving God. How lucky am I that He is mine---my King!
So, I will rise again tomorrow morning and place this back on the altar, even though I know at some point the whispers of the devil will call to my sacrifice to crawl back down off the altar. Lucky for me, my God is patient and forgiving, and will allow me to return, yet again, with my living sacrifice. And by His grace, I will come.
Lord, you are so beautiful. I will trust you to be enough for me. Your word tells me that I have stolen your heart. I will cling to that truth and find my joy and identity in knowing that I am loved by the King.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
LOVE: THE VERB
Tonight's Read: Matthew ch. 25 and Mark ch. 1-3
As I have written before, I am still learning how to live a life yielded to the Holy Spirit. I suppose this learning will be a life long process. Since the desire of my heart is to have closeness with the Lord and to honor Him, I have a huge task before me. I have never been a 'legalistic' christian. In fact, I probably could have described myself in the past as completely the opposite, a 'grace abuser', if you will. Since I have decided to give up on my life for myself and live His life for me, I have noticed a shift in myself. For one thing, the desire to honor Him has become much more complete. On the flipside, however, I have sensed myself struggling with a spirit of legalism. I don't mean the type of legalism where I justify indulging in certain sins while behaving saintly regarding others. I mean more of feeling guilty to do everything 'right', to the point of overthinking many of my actions. After all, Jesus himself said "If you love me, you will obey what I command" (John 14:15). When you think about that short verse, it's pretty intimidating!
When I read in Mark tonight, I noticed that in Jesus' ministry, the first person to proclaim Jesus as the messiah was a demon! (Mark 1:24) This was so startling for me. It reminded me of James 2:19 that says "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder." What this spoke to me was that it is simply not enough to 'know' and 'love' God in your heart-- you must do something with those thoughts and feelings. Although there have been many things that kept me at a pace of crawling in my walk with the Lord, one thing that allowed me to stumble so consistently is that I was relying on my 'feelings' of love for the Lord to be enough to make me walk. The truth is, that is simply not enough. I heard a quote long ago that has really stuck with me that says "Love the feeling is a fruit of love the verb." I realize now that my 'feeling' of love was likely so inconsistent in intensity and devotion because I almost entirely lacked my use of love the 'verb'.
So what now then? Like I said, I am struggling somewhat with this spirit of legalism because I want to exercise this verb of love by 'doing what [He] commands'. He tells us how to exercise our love verbs in Matthew 25 (v. 35-36). But I don't want to do these things just to do them. I want to do them with my love for Him in my heart. I want to learn how to love others in action as He did and as He commands us to. When He talks about these things in Matthew, there is no mention of loving people by pointing out their sins, or waiting for them to be polite, demanding that they contribute of their talents and resources, or you name it. The way He tells us to love is with no strings attached. Not to 'love if they______' (insert anything you wish in the blank.) He implies that we are to love for love's sake. We are to love because He loves. We are to love because He loved us first. And, most importantly, He loved us by doing, not by feeling.
This is certainly something that I cannot do on my own. I cannot love people who I don't feel deserve it. I cannot love people who are difficult or emotionally unavailable. I cannot. But He can, through me. So, I suppose, my act of love is to simply be a vessel for His love to sail through. This is definitely something that I must carry in prayer if I want to exercise my verb of love.
Lord, teach me to continue to yield my spirit to you so that I don't do things out my own will, but out of the power of your loving spirit. The greatest thing that you have given me is love. So, please, teach me to be obedient by teaching me to love. Give me a heart like yours--- a heart of love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
As I have written before, I am still learning how to live a life yielded to the Holy Spirit. I suppose this learning will be a life long process. Since the desire of my heart is to have closeness with the Lord and to honor Him, I have a huge task before me. I have never been a 'legalistic' christian. In fact, I probably could have described myself in the past as completely the opposite, a 'grace abuser', if you will. Since I have decided to give up on my life for myself and live His life for me, I have noticed a shift in myself. For one thing, the desire to honor Him has become much more complete. On the flipside, however, I have sensed myself struggling with a spirit of legalism. I don't mean the type of legalism where I justify indulging in certain sins while behaving saintly regarding others. I mean more of feeling guilty to do everything 'right', to the point of overthinking many of my actions. After all, Jesus himself said "If you love me, you will obey what I command" (John 14:15). When you think about that short verse, it's pretty intimidating!
When I read in Mark tonight, I noticed that in Jesus' ministry, the first person to proclaim Jesus as the messiah was a demon! (Mark 1:24) This was so startling for me. It reminded me of James 2:19 that says "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder." What this spoke to me was that it is simply not enough to 'know' and 'love' God in your heart-- you must do something with those thoughts and feelings. Although there have been many things that kept me at a pace of crawling in my walk with the Lord, one thing that allowed me to stumble so consistently is that I was relying on my 'feelings' of love for the Lord to be enough to make me walk. The truth is, that is simply not enough. I heard a quote long ago that has really stuck with me that says "Love the feeling is a fruit of love the verb." I realize now that my 'feeling' of love was likely so inconsistent in intensity and devotion because I almost entirely lacked my use of love the 'verb'.
So what now then? Like I said, I am struggling somewhat with this spirit of legalism because I want to exercise this verb of love by 'doing what [He] commands'. He tells us how to exercise our love verbs in Matthew 25 (v. 35-36). But I don't want to do these things just to do them. I want to do them with my love for Him in my heart. I want to learn how to love others in action as He did and as He commands us to. When He talks about these things in Matthew, there is no mention of loving people by pointing out their sins, or waiting for them to be polite, demanding that they contribute of their talents and resources, or you name it. The way He tells us to love is with no strings attached. Not to 'love if they______' (insert anything you wish in the blank.) He implies that we are to love for love's sake. We are to love because He loves. We are to love because He loved us first. And, most importantly, He loved us by doing, not by feeling.
This is certainly something that I cannot do on my own. I cannot love people who I don't feel deserve it. I cannot love people who are difficult or emotionally unavailable. I cannot. But He can, through me. So, I suppose, my act of love is to simply be a vessel for His love to sail through. This is definitely something that I must carry in prayer if I want to exercise my verb of love.
Lord, teach me to continue to yield my spirit to you so that I don't do things out my own will, but out of the power of your loving spirit. The greatest thing that you have given me is love. So, please, teach me to be obedient by teaching me to love. Give me a heart like yours--- a heart of love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
MINE ALL MINE
Tonight's Read: Song of Songs
As I read God's word tonight, I read it as a love letter to me. Not a generic letter to the world, but a specific letter to me. What a beautiful love story! I am learning how to trust this God who I have heard about all my life; this God who waited patiently for me while I rebelled against Him by selfishly indulging in my own desires for my life. I have tried my way and I have been left with destruction that runs so deep that I will always have scars that remain. He has been gently tending to these wounds of mine for some time now. Even while I was trying to self medicate with a laundry list of destructive and fruitless efforts, He was still there, unbeknownst to me. The reality is, while I can learn to trust Him to heal these wounds in my heart that are a result of my own selfish rebellion, I will have scars to bear even after the healing. But there is so much beauty in knowing that He bears scars as well.
I have long wanted to fully know the 'the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:39) But I filled my heart with so many things, worthless things, that there was no room left for the love that He offers. In order for me to take hold of His great love for me, I first had to be willing to empty out all the other stuff that was residing in what should be His place---my heart. When I read Song of Songs tonight, I heard His whispers, or rather, shouts, of love to me. These verses ripple into the eternity of my heart "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!" (1:15) and "Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me." (2:10)
What I'm hearing the Lord speak to me is this: "Don't you know that I have always loved you? You are precious and perfect to me. I long to have you near to me. Come with me now, waste no time, and come to be with me." My heart simultaneously leaps for joy and brims with fulfillment at hearing the God of the Universe speak this love poem into my spirit. He pays no mind to my rebellious past or my forever scars. He insists that I waste no time and worry about nothing, but only to come to Him without regard for anything else.
This love, this lover, this love letter-- is mine. I find so much beauty in the tenderness of this truth. Yes, 'God so loved the world' (John 3:16). But, what this means though, is that God loved me. One tough thing about His love for me, for us, is that it is intangible and invisible. I cannot capture a photograph of it to share with someone who doesn't know Him and His love. It must be experienced to be understood. But, man oh man, how sweet His love is, truly.
If I could tell the world one thing and one thing only, it would be this: "Please, I beg of you, come near to this gentle lover. You will never believe His love for you. Please, come taste and see that He is good."
Psalm 34:8 "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."
Sweet Lord, thank you that your love is mine. Thank you that your love is so great that there is enough for the whole world and still enough left over for me. Your love is so sweet and brings me so much joy and peace. I praise you for that. I pray Lord, that I can be used as a reflection of your love to people in this world who do not yet know how you love them, too.
As I read God's word tonight, I read it as a love letter to me. Not a generic letter to the world, but a specific letter to me. What a beautiful love story! I am learning how to trust this God who I have heard about all my life; this God who waited patiently for me while I rebelled against Him by selfishly indulging in my own desires for my life. I have tried my way and I have been left with destruction that runs so deep that I will always have scars that remain. He has been gently tending to these wounds of mine for some time now. Even while I was trying to self medicate with a laundry list of destructive and fruitless efforts, He was still there, unbeknownst to me. The reality is, while I can learn to trust Him to heal these wounds in my heart that are a result of my own selfish rebellion, I will have scars to bear even after the healing. But there is so much beauty in knowing that He bears scars as well.
I have long wanted to fully know the 'the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:39) But I filled my heart with so many things, worthless things, that there was no room left for the love that He offers. In order for me to take hold of His great love for me, I first had to be willing to empty out all the other stuff that was residing in what should be His place---my heart. When I read Song of Songs tonight, I heard His whispers, or rather, shouts, of love to me. These verses ripple into the eternity of my heart "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!" (1:15) and "Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me." (2:10)
What I'm hearing the Lord speak to me is this: "Don't you know that I have always loved you? You are precious and perfect to me. I long to have you near to me. Come with me now, waste no time, and come to be with me." My heart simultaneously leaps for joy and brims with fulfillment at hearing the God of the Universe speak this love poem into my spirit. He pays no mind to my rebellious past or my forever scars. He insists that I waste no time and worry about nothing, but only to come to Him without regard for anything else.
This love, this lover, this love letter-- is mine. I find so much beauty in the tenderness of this truth. Yes, 'God so loved the world' (John 3:16). But, what this means though, is that God loved me. One tough thing about His love for me, for us, is that it is intangible and invisible. I cannot capture a photograph of it to share with someone who doesn't know Him and His love. It must be experienced to be understood. But, man oh man, how sweet His love is, truly.
If I could tell the world one thing and one thing only, it would be this: "Please, I beg of you, come near to this gentle lover. You will never believe His love for you. Please, come taste and see that He is good."
Psalm 34:8 "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."
Sweet Lord, thank you that your love is mine. Thank you that your love is so great that there is enough for the whole world and still enough left over for me. Your love is so sweet and brings me so much joy and peace. I praise you for that. I pray Lord, that I can be used as a reflection of your love to people in this world who do not yet know how you love them, too.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
THE GOD I NEVER KNEW
Tonight's Read: Isaiah 43
I know that the bible calls us to be God's mouthpiece into the world. As believers, we have a responsibility to share with the hopeless the hope that we have in our Savior. I will be the first to admit that I am far from a model 'witness'. Not only have I not actively pursued opportunities to share my God with people that don't truly know him, but I also have run from the opportunities when they were presented to me.
I have known the Lord for twenty years. Well, I should probably do a little backtracking on that statement. For twenty years, I have acknowledged in my heart that the triune God is my savior. I have known who He is. However, my relationship with Him could be described as broken, weak and inconsistent for many of my years. It is only until the most recent times of my life that I have begun to really know Him personally. For example, I grew up knowing that God loved me. I never questioned it. But in the depths of my heart, I believed the kind of affection he had for me was similar to the kind of affection that a mother turtle might have for one of her hundreds of eggs. Sure, she birthed them and wants them to fare well in life. But it's just a part of life that as soon as she lays her eggs, she buries them in the sand and then departs from them to go on about the rest of her days. It's not that she doesn't care for them, but it's certainly not the same kind of affection that a human mother has for her offspring. My understanding of God loving me in this way could not be farther from the truth of who He is!
Since trusting the Lord fully to be who He says He is to me, He has graciously revealed to me how wrong I was about Him! I am not one of hundreds that he will bury and abandon. I am one that he 'created...formed...redeemed....summoned...ransomed' (Isaiah ch. 43) and I am 'precious and honored in [His] sight and because [He] loves me, will give men in exchange for my life' (v.4). Reading what His word says about His affection for me is in stark opposition to my assumption that He loves me like a turtle. His book, His word tells me that I am infinitely valuable and He treasures me because He chose me!
I used to think that the reason I felt so inadequate to witness to the lost was because I lead a life that had sinfulness in it and didn't want to appear hypocritical and as a result, hurt the kingdom. But I realize now, that the reason I couldn't share with people about my God is because I really didn't truly know Him. Hallelujah that He has been patient, faithful and gracious enough to open the eyes of my heart to understand the truth of His heart for me. Not only do I now feel like I might be able to share His love with someone who didn't know, but I feel so excited at the thought of the opportunity to spread the good news. It's like the light bulb has finally come on and I 'get it'. What a truly wonderful thing to understand--- who this God of love is to me.
Zephania 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
I know that the bible calls us to be God's mouthpiece into the world. As believers, we have a responsibility to share with the hopeless the hope that we have in our Savior. I will be the first to admit that I am far from a model 'witness'. Not only have I not actively pursued opportunities to share my God with people that don't truly know him, but I also have run from the opportunities when they were presented to me.
I have known the Lord for twenty years. Well, I should probably do a little backtracking on that statement. For twenty years, I have acknowledged in my heart that the triune God is my savior. I have known who He is. However, my relationship with Him could be described as broken, weak and inconsistent for many of my years. It is only until the most recent times of my life that I have begun to really know Him personally. For example, I grew up knowing that God loved me. I never questioned it. But in the depths of my heart, I believed the kind of affection he had for me was similar to the kind of affection that a mother turtle might have for one of her hundreds of eggs. Sure, she birthed them and wants them to fare well in life. But it's just a part of life that as soon as she lays her eggs, she buries them in the sand and then departs from them to go on about the rest of her days. It's not that she doesn't care for them, but it's certainly not the same kind of affection that a human mother has for her offspring. My understanding of God loving me in this way could not be farther from the truth of who He is!
Since trusting the Lord fully to be who He says He is to me, He has graciously revealed to me how wrong I was about Him! I am not one of hundreds that he will bury and abandon. I am one that he 'created...formed...redeemed....summoned...ransomed' (Isaiah ch. 43) and I am 'precious and honored in [His] sight and because [He] loves me, will give men in exchange for my life' (v.4). Reading what His word says about His affection for me is in stark opposition to my assumption that He loves me like a turtle. His book, His word tells me that I am infinitely valuable and He treasures me because He chose me!
I used to think that the reason I felt so inadequate to witness to the lost was because I lead a life that had sinfulness in it and didn't want to appear hypocritical and as a result, hurt the kingdom. But I realize now, that the reason I couldn't share with people about my God is because I really didn't truly know Him. Hallelujah that He has been patient, faithful and gracious enough to open the eyes of my heart to understand the truth of His heart for me. Not only do I now feel like I might be able to share His love with someone who didn't know, but I feel so excited at the thought of the opportunity to spread the good news. It's like the light bulb has finally come on and I 'get it'. What a truly wonderful thing to understand--- who this God of love is to me.
Zephania 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
AREN'T WE ALL PRODIGALS?
Today's Read: Luke 15In this chapter of Luke, there are three short stories that share the same theme. In each story, something very valuable is lost and then eventually recovered. In the first story, there is a shepherd who loses a sheep. In the second story, a woman who has ten coins loses one of them. And the final story is of the prodigal son. These three stories not only share the aspect of something being lost and then found again, they also all tell of the considerable joy of the finder. It is one thing for something misplaced or forgotten to be merely stumbled upon again at a later time. But for the finder to have complete joy in the finding reveals the true value of what had been lost.
It is easy to think of the story of the prodigal and think that he represents someone other than yourself. It is easy to think 'Well, I have not squandered my inheritance. Nor have I lived a life of utter sinful rebellion as he did, so surely, the prodigal is not me.' When I read this this story again tonight though, I realized that I actually am the prodigal son, the lost son. When I first accepted Jesus Christ as my savior was when I was given my inheritance of grace. And for many years after that that I have chosen to walk with one foot in His kingdom and one foot in mine; I have been a glutton for His grace. I have selfishly and foolishly leeched out so much of his graciousness toward me without responding in an appropriate, thankfully respectful manner. Basically, he paid me for doing no work. He gave me an unbelievable inheritance that I indulged on without ever acting like I was his son, who might have been worthy of an inheritance. So yes, I am the prodigal son. Until we are walking in complete submission to His glory and holiness, we are all prodigal sons.
Since I have chosen to return to my father with the same cry of the prodigal "'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son." (v. 21) I have been so very humbled by His warm welcome of my coming home. I have recently been in the midst of difficult circumstances that have been painful to wade through, yet in the midst of my sorrow, I have had a sense of joy. I couldn't quite understand why I had the joy until I remembered the joy of the finder in each of these three stories. He is so full of rejoicing, joyfulness, gladness and celebration over my return to Him that His joy flows over into my heart.
Gracious Father, you are so good. I am not worthy of the celebration that you prepare at my homecoming. But, I will worship you for your generous gift of grace, my inheritance.
Job 8:21 "He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy."
Monday, July 13, 2009
WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN JESUS
Monday, July 13, 2009
Tonight's Read: Luke 11:1-44
"What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged--
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer."
In this story, the raising of Lazarus from the dead, there are several things to learn about Jesus and who God really is. The first, and most obvious thing to recognize is the magnificence of God's power through the work of this miracle. Lazarus was dead, not dying, not sick. He was dead, and had been for some time. Verse 17 tells us that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Jesus walks up to the tomb and speaks 'Lazarus, come out!" (v.43). He doesn't even touch the man! He simply speaks, and the man who has been dead for days rises with no pause. I think if I had been there, I would have fainted at the sight of all this. This God, my God, is amazing.
What is even more profound though, is that even though the Lord is all powerful and completely sovereign, he chooses to love me. In fact, Jesus shows us here that He loves us in a way that is very human, very real, and very easy for me personally to relate to. Consider the order of events in this story:
-First, Lazarus is on his deathbed, so his sisters send for Jesus to come back into the town where they live to heal him before his imminent death.
- Next, much to the dismay of His disciples, Jesus chooses to stay where he was for two more days, even though everyone knew that Lazarus would surely be dead before Jesus could reach him if he spared any time.
- After that, Lazarus dies and his sisters prepare him for burial and place him in the tomb. In their minds, I'm sure, they believed it was finished. And they mourned.
- Now, during this time, Jesus had already told all the people that this would 'not end in death' even though Lazarus had 'fallen asleep'. Jesus already KNEW that he need not mourn for his friend, because he knew that Lazarus would rise at His command.
- Finally, even though Jesus already knows the work that He is going to do in Lazarus, and has no need for mourning of him, he deeply empathizes with Mary and Martha, Lazarus' sisters. In fact, Jesus was moved to tears. John tells us that "Jesus wept." (v.35) I don't believe He was weeping in a mournful way, for He knew that Lazarus would be with them again in moments. He wept because He loved the sisters so much and truly carried the burdens of their hearts in His.
What does this all tell me? Jesus knew all along that he need not mourn for His friend Lazarus. He knew that Lazarus would not remain dead, because He knew of the miracle He would preform when He reached Lazarus' tomb in Bethany. Yet, when faced with Lazarus' grieving sisters, Jesus was so overcome with compassion and empathy, that he was moved to weeping. I have many friends who will support me through hard times and who genuinely care for me if I'm hurting. However, I find it difficult to think of many friends that are so in sync with my heart that they would be moved to weeping for my hurts. The bible doesn't tell us that Jesus 'teared up' or that He 'felt for them' or 'was thinking about them in their loss'. The bible tells us that he 'wept'. I don't believe I have friends that would 'weep' for me. Oh wait, I suppose I can think of one :)
Sweet Lord Jesus, you are a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I am continually amazed that although you are wholly God, you chose to love me, and, you choose to be my friend. Thank you for the sweetest friendship I'll ever be a part of! Amen.
Tonight's Read: Luke 11:1-44
"What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged--
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer."
In this story, the raising of Lazarus from the dead, there are several things to learn about Jesus and who God really is. The first, and most obvious thing to recognize is the magnificence of God's power through the work of this miracle. Lazarus was dead, not dying, not sick. He was dead, and had been for some time. Verse 17 tells us that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Jesus walks up to the tomb and speaks 'Lazarus, come out!" (v.43). He doesn't even touch the man! He simply speaks, and the man who has been dead for days rises with no pause. I think if I had been there, I would have fainted at the sight of all this. This God, my God, is amazing.
What is even more profound though, is that even though the Lord is all powerful and completely sovereign, he chooses to love me. In fact, Jesus shows us here that He loves us in a way that is very human, very real, and very easy for me personally to relate to. Consider the order of events in this story:
-First, Lazarus is on his deathbed, so his sisters send for Jesus to come back into the town where they live to heal him before his imminent death.
- Next, much to the dismay of His disciples, Jesus chooses to stay where he was for two more days, even though everyone knew that Lazarus would surely be dead before Jesus could reach him if he spared any time.
- After that, Lazarus dies and his sisters prepare him for burial and place him in the tomb. In their minds, I'm sure, they believed it was finished. And they mourned.
- Now, during this time, Jesus had already told all the people that this would 'not end in death' even though Lazarus had 'fallen asleep'. Jesus already KNEW that he need not mourn for his friend, because he knew that Lazarus would rise at His command.
- Finally, even though Jesus already knows the work that He is going to do in Lazarus, and has no need for mourning of him, he deeply empathizes with Mary and Martha, Lazarus' sisters. In fact, Jesus was moved to tears. John tells us that "Jesus wept." (v.35) I don't believe He was weeping in a mournful way, for He knew that Lazarus would be with them again in moments. He wept because He loved the sisters so much and truly carried the burdens of their hearts in His.
What does this all tell me? Jesus knew all along that he need not mourn for His friend Lazarus. He knew that Lazarus would not remain dead, because He knew of the miracle He would preform when He reached Lazarus' tomb in Bethany. Yet, when faced with Lazarus' grieving sisters, Jesus was so overcome with compassion and empathy, that he was moved to weeping. I have many friends who will support me through hard times and who genuinely care for me if I'm hurting. However, I find it difficult to think of many friends that are so in sync with my heart that they would be moved to weeping for my hurts. The bible doesn't tell us that Jesus 'teared up' or that He 'felt for them' or 'was thinking about them in their loss'. The bible tells us that he 'wept'. I don't believe I have friends that would 'weep' for me. Oh wait, I suppose I can think of one :)
Sweet Lord Jesus, you are a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I am continually amazed that although you are wholly God, you chose to love me, and, you choose to be my friend. Thank you for the sweetest friendship I'll ever be a part of! Amen.
THE GREATEST COMMANDMENT
Monday, July 13, 2009
Today's Read: Psalms 90-93
To me, Psalms is quite possibly the most beautiful book in the bible. In the new testament, we are told that the greatest of all commandments is 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' (Matthew 22:37). For myself, this has always been easier said than done. Obedience, following conviction, 'running the good race'; these are all much easier things to do, when it comes down to it. All these things that we are asked to do require mostly discipline and a certain amount of faith. But how do you possibly follow this, the greatest of all commandments? After all, our hearts can only be spent on so many things, and if we give the largest portion to our Lord, what is there that's left for the rest of the world, for our families, for our coworkers and friends, for the lost? Or more frankly, for ourselves? Even if we can get to a point of faith where we desire obedience to the Lord in this greatest commandment, it is impossible for us to complete this task on our own.
Thus, intro Psalms. To me, Psalms has always been the easiest book of the bible to read, because I see so much of myself and my life in it. I see my heart's reflection in the soul of someone who struggles with the constant uphill battle that is finding peace in this world. I see myself in the authors who cry out to the Lord in their pain. The Psalms are so easy to relate to, because they are a picture of every man.
Even more beautiful than seeing my own reflection in the Psalms though, is seeing a glimpse of the true nature of who God is. Seeing a picture of the sovereign God next to a reflection of my own finite soul is so incredibly humbling. I cannot help but recognize with a worshipful heart, that this God is AWEsome. In fact, when I think about trying to speak to Him after seeing Him in His true nature through today's reading, I am left with nothing to say. My heart is swollen and my lips are empty. I am in awe.
Reading the Psalms shows me who God is. They reveal to me the person whom I am commanded to be madly in love with. When I truly see this person, this God, I cannot help but become overwhelmed with affection and adoration for Him. Then, following this greatest commandment no longer feels like a task to complete, but a treasure to cherish.
Gracious Beautiful Father,
It amazes me that though I am so insignificant, you choose to let me in the truth of who you are. I praise you for humbling me enough to reveal to me yourself. Although I know I am not worthy, Lord, I know that you CHOSE me! Hallelujah for the beauty of your plans! Hallelujah for the beauty and Majesty of who you are.
Psalm 92:4 "For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands."
Today's Read: Psalms 90-93
To me, Psalms is quite possibly the most beautiful book in the bible. In the new testament, we are told that the greatest of all commandments is 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' (Matthew 22:37). For myself, this has always been easier said than done. Obedience, following conviction, 'running the good race'; these are all much easier things to do, when it comes down to it. All these things that we are asked to do require mostly discipline and a certain amount of faith. But how do you possibly follow this, the greatest of all commandments? After all, our hearts can only be spent on so many things, and if we give the largest portion to our Lord, what is there that's left for the rest of the world, for our families, for our coworkers and friends, for the lost? Or more frankly, for ourselves? Even if we can get to a point of faith where we desire obedience to the Lord in this greatest commandment, it is impossible for us to complete this task on our own.
Thus, intro Psalms. To me, Psalms has always been the easiest book of the bible to read, because I see so much of myself and my life in it. I see my heart's reflection in the soul of someone who struggles with the constant uphill battle that is finding peace in this world. I see myself in the authors who cry out to the Lord in their pain. The Psalms are so easy to relate to, because they are a picture of every man.
Even more beautiful than seeing my own reflection in the Psalms though, is seeing a glimpse of the true nature of who God is. Seeing a picture of the sovereign God next to a reflection of my own finite soul is so incredibly humbling. I cannot help but recognize with a worshipful heart, that this God is AWEsome. In fact, when I think about trying to speak to Him after seeing Him in His true nature through today's reading, I am left with nothing to say. My heart is swollen and my lips are empty. I am in awe.
Reading the Psalms shows me who God is. They reveal to me the person whom I am commanded to be madly in love with. When I truly see this person, this God, I cannot help but become overwhelmed with affection and adoration for Him. Then, following this greatest commandment no longer feels like a task to complete, but a treasure to cherish.
Gracious Beautiful Father,
It amazes me that though I am so insignificant, you choose to let me in the truth of who you are. I praise you for humbling me enough to reveal to me yourself. Although I know I am not worthy, Lord, I know that you CHOSE me! Hallelujah for the beauty of your plans! Hallelujah for the beauty and Majesty of who you are.
Psalm 92:4 "For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands."
MY STORY: PART I
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
It has been a simultaneously refreshing and challenging last few weeks. The Lord has been pulling on my heart in a multitude of ways. While His call looks different in many ways, the message of His word to me has a heavy common theme: come closer.
I have been a ‘christian’ for basically all my life. I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was only five years old at Vacation Bible School at Trinity New Life Fellowship Church in Arlington, Texas.
I remember very clearly listening to the gentle story of who Jesus was and how He wanted to be my friend, in the utmost sense of the word. The understanding I was able to have was small, but so profound. I knew who Jesus was. I didn’t even know yet who I was. But I knew I needed Jesus to be my friend. To hold my hand, to care for me and protect me. To be my best friend. I knew I needed Jesus. That evening, I prayed with both of my parents, laying on their brown quilted bedspread, and invited this Jesus to come and live in my heart and be my best friend.
There are millions of people wandering through this life that share a very similar story with me. People who become christians at a young age, try to be good and keep God in mind as they grow, wander away as soon as they face any real kind of temptation, and then flounder in the face of the world as they continually hesitate becoming who God truly set them apart to be. The journey of my life has been very easy, on anyone’s terms. I have a wonderful, loving, functional family. I have never been anything but loved and accepted completely by my family and friends. I have found success easily in school and beyond into the professional world. So, the reasoning for my utter mediocrity as a christian, as a child of God, is puzzling to me. I don’t have the excuse of life being cruel to me and then in turn, me equating uncomfortable circumstances to the existence of an apathetic, or worse, a cruel God. Life has been generally comfortable and blessed for me. So what reason is there that I run and hide from the God who has blessed me so greatly? Why not run to Him and thank Him for my life of abundance?
It has been a simultaneously refreshing and challenging last few weeks. The Lord has been pulling on my heart in a multitude of ways. While His call looks different in many ways, the message of His word to me has a heavy common theme: come closer.
I have been a ‘christian’ for basically all my life. I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was only five years old at Vacation Bible School at Trinity New Life Fellowship Church in Arlington, Texas.
I remember very clearly listening to the gentle story of who Jesus was and how He wanted to be my friend, in the utmost sense of the word. The understanding I was able to have was small, but so profound. I knew who Jesus was. I didn’t even know yet who I was. But I knew I needed Jesus to be my friend. To hold my hand, to care for me and protect me. To be my best friend. I knew I needed Jesus. That evening, I prayed with both of my parents, laying on their brown quilted bedspread, and invited this Jesus to come and live in my heart and be my best friend.
There are millions of people wandering through this life that share a very similar story with me. People who become christians at a young age, try to be good and keep God in mind as they grow, wander away as soon as they face any real kind of temptation, and then flounder in the face of the world as they continually hesitate becoming who God truly set them apart to be. The journey of my life has been very easy, on anyone’s terms. I have a wonderful, loving, functional family. I have never been anything but loved and accepted completely by my family and friends. I have found success easily in school and beyond into the professional world. So, the reasoning for my utter mediocrity as a christian, as a child of God, is puzzling to me. I don’t have the excuse of life being cruel to me and then in turn, me equating uncomfortable circumstances to the existence of an apathetic, or worse, a cruel God. Life has been generally comfortable and blessed for me. So what reason is there that I run and hide from the God who has blessed me so greatly? Why not run to Him and thank Him for my life of abundance?
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