John 5
As I've grown in my walk with the Lord, I have had a growing desire to have His word ready on my lips at all times. In some ways, it comes very easily to memorize scripture. Because, there are plenty of times when studying his word that it comes alive for me and I feel as though it was written just for me and spoken directly into my heart. At those times, it's like the scriptures are etched permanently into my heart and I don't forget them. There are other times, however that I intently study for memorization so that I can have an arsenal of scriptures to use for witnessing with, encouraging with and clinging to. After all, 1 Peter 3 instructs that as believers, we are to have a ready defense.
I know that in my walk with the Lord there are going to be times when I feel like I am running and could run for days without resting, and it's wholly invigorating, not exhausting. I also know that at other times, it will be a struggle, for whatever reason, for me to be able to even get my tennis shoes on to go for a jog around the block with Him. But regardless of my mood or depth of pursuit on any one particular day, I do want to at least get my shoes on and get out to walk with Him, everyday.
In trying to honor Him, I have found myself in the last week or so reading the bible just to say to myself that I had 'gone for a walk' with the Lord, almost to check off my list that I had done right by him. I have, after all, been trying to commit His word to memory and I have been commanded to do so, so by default, aren't I being obedient and therefore honoring Him?
I can explain away my behavior with logic all I want, but at the end of the day, the Lord doesn't want mere behavior from me. I don't believe he cares that much about what I do if his first and foremost desire is not fulfilled--- to have relationship with me. I was reading in John 5 a few days ago and reading verses 39-40 it was like Jesus was thumping me on the head saying 'Don't you get it?! Here's what you should be doing! Pursue ME. Not just my word, but ME. I want relationship with you. And you need relationship with me!'
While it is good for me to commit His word to memory, it is not enough. Jesus doesn't want my head full of His words and that's it. Jesus wants my heart. I have always known this and yet it is so easy for me to forget amongst all the chaos and noise of life. He wants my heart. He wants me to pursue, desire, commit to HIM and our relationship. When I remember this, my heart brims over with joy. There is so much freedom in knowing that all He wants is for me to let go and give myself wholly to Him. And in that freedom, my beautiful joy is found.
Thank you, sweet and faithful Jesus, that what you desire most is my heart. Thank you that no matter what I do, it doesn't matter if I do it outside of relationship with you. I want to honor you and be obedient to you. Please keeping speaking your truth into my heart that the only way I can begin to do those things is by having relationship with you.
Hebrews 11:6 "For without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
MERCY
Daniel 9
I know that I am a sinner, by nature, this is why I needed Jesus to begin with; because I realized this truth. So, I shouldn't be surprised when I get tangled up in sin and stumble yet again, despite the growth that I have seen spiritually. In fact, James 1 tells me that not only will I stumble, but even the fact that I am tempted to fall into sin is my own fault! Regardless of knowing that fact though, my heart becomes so burdened with grief when I foolishly commit acts of sin that I believed I had mastered or risen above.
As I struggle with accepting the reality of my specific sin, I find myself hiding myself from God, afraid to admit to Him what I've done. My fear is not so much that I worry about Him being angry at me, but more that I am afraid that His mercy will be out of my reach. Just as my heart has enticed me into temptation and sin, my heart also then condemns me for that sin. (1 John 3:19) I continually struggle with forgiving myself and accepting God's mercy and grace.
The Lord showed me today that not only am I foolish to hold onto such an un-truth, but also, that I am prideful in general. As I read in Daniel 9, verse 18 really struck me, saying "We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy." For me, it is easy to relate to the part that I am not righteous when I am fresh from sinning; of course I don't feel righteous then! However, for me to live under the illusion that when I'm not being dragged away by my own evil desires, that I am somehow righteous is completely false and inaccurate scripturally. God's word has told me over and over and over again that any righteousness that I do have is entirely because of my FAITH in who God is--- not because of anything I have done, evil or good. (Romans 1:17, 3:22, 4:5, 4:13, 9:30, Philippians 3:9, Hebrews 11:7) Despite that fact though, I find it much easier to accept His mercy when I don't feel burdened with guilt. Somehow, I believe the illusion that when I'm behaving in a 'righteous' manner that somehow, I have a right to ask for His mercy. But what His word showed me today is that it doesn't matter what I've done, His mercy is always greater than my sin and it is always because of who He is that he offers it, not because of what I have or have not done. So, whether I am caught in a tangled web of filth or I am faithfully pursuing His commands, the need for His mercy is the same. And, the source of the power of His mercy is unchangingly steady---- it's source is Him, not me. NOTHING I can do can change my need of His mercy or His ability or desire to extend it to me. I honestly cannot understand that truth, it is too abstractly beautiful, but I know that it is true.
Listen: New Mercy
"This is how we set our hearts at rest in His presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our Hearts and He knows everything." 1 John 3:19-20
"If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
Lord, thank you that your mercy is new every morning. I cannot expend it and yet I am always in need of it. Thank you for remembering that I am foolish and weak. And thank you that you can and will forgive me, every day. I cannot understand your grace, mercy, love, kindness and faithfulness. But, I accept it anyway and worship you for it.
I know that I am a sinner, by nature, this is why I needed Jesus to begin with; because I realized this truth. So, I shouldn't be surprised when I get tangled up in sin and stumble yet again, despite the growth that I have seen spiritually. In fact, James 1 tells me that not only will I stumble, but even the fact that I am tempted to fall into sin is my own fault! Regardless of knowing that fact though, my heart becomes so burdened with grief when I foolishly commit acts of sin that I believed I had mastered or risen above.
As I struggle with accepting the reality of my specific sin, I find myself hiding myself from God, afraid to admit to Him what I've done. My fear is not so much that I worry about Him being angry at me, but more that I am afraid that His mercy will be out of my reach. Just as my heart has enticed me into temptation and sin, my heart also then condemns me for that sin. (1 John 3:19) I continually struggle with forgiving myself and accepting God's mercy and grace.
The Lord showed me today that not only am I foolish to hold onto such an un-truth, but also, that I am prideful in general. As I read in Daniel 9, verse 18 really struck me, saying "We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy." For me, it is easy to relate to the part that I am not righteous when I am fresh from sinning; of course I don't feel righteous then! However, for me to live under the illusion that when I'm not being dragged away by my own evil desires, that I am somehow righteous is completely false and inaccurate scripturally. God's word has told me over and over and over again that any righteousness that I do have is entirely because of my FAITH in who God is--- not because of anything I have done, evil or good. (Romans 1:17, 3:22, 4:5, 4:13, 9:30, Philippians 3:9, Hebrews 11:7) Despite that fact though, I find it much easier to accept His mercy when I don't feel burdened with guilt. Somehow, I believe the illusion that when I'm behaving in a 'righteous' manner that somehow, I have a right to ask for His mercy. But what His word showed me today is that it doesn't matter what I've done, His mercy is always greater than my sin and it is always because of who He is that he offers it, not because of what I have or have not done. So, whether I am caught in a tangled web of filth or I am faithfully pursuing His commands, the need for His mercy is the same. And, the source of the power of His mercy is unchangingly steady---- it's source is Him, not me. NOTHING I can do can change my need of His mercy or His ability or desire to extend it to me. I honestly cannot understand that truth, it is too abstractly beautiful, but I know that it is true.
Listen: New Mercy
"This is how we set our hearts at rest in His presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our Hearts and He knows everything." 1 John 3:19-20
"If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
Lord, thank you that your mercy is new every morning. I cannot expend it and yet I am always in need of it. Thank you for remembering that I am foolish and weak. And thank you that you can and will forgive me, every day. I cannot understand your grace, mercy, love, kindness and faithfulness. But, I accept it anyway and worship you for it.
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