"It is a sabbath of rest, and you must deny yourselves; it is a lasting ordinance."
I have grown increasingly busy over the last several months. While most, if not all, of the things keeping me busy are things that a) I chose to take on of my own accord, and b) are purposeful and not frivolent in nature. That is to say I'm not busy as a social butterfly is busy, but mostly in commitments to my growing in my career and even more with my church body. As I have sustained such a busy schedule for some time now, I have simultaneously been running lower and lower on steam. About a week and a half ago, I petered out entirely. Now, what this 'petering out' looked like for me was a total emotional meltdown where I burst into tears at work from all the pressure and stress I was feeling from being stretched so thin. As the dust settled from my total conniption fit, I realized that I needed some rest on many levels. If I was going to find it, I needed to see what God had to say about rest. One of my favorite things to do in studying the word is to do what I call a 'word study'. All this means is I type a keyword into www.biblegateway.com and then review all the scriptures that matched the search. When I searched 'rest' the result was literally almost 500 verses. Clearly, God had a lot to say about rest.
It was when I read Leviticus 16:31 that God spoke to me. He didn't whisper, he didn't hint. He might as well have slapped me on the forehead with the bible. The reason that I had become so utterly exhausted was because of my self idolatry. I had chosen, over the last few months, to allow myself back onto the throne seat. I had become most important in my life as a default that I had neglected him. My daily concern was more about what I could accomplish in a day, a week, a month than it was about just meeting with him and being still before him. I have been pursuing accomplishing things that are 'good' and 'honorable'. But the bottom line, is I don't accomplish anything. And I am learning firsthand that when I try to accomplish things in my flesh that were meant for the Lord to accomplish through me, I will become utterly exhausted. It was in reading Leviticus 16:31 that God spoke to me of my own self idolatry. In my efforts to do what he has led me to do, but to do it in my own 'power', it was as if I was saying "Ok God, I'll do what you told me, but I don't need you. I'm good enough to get it accomplished on my own." God had a different message for me. His message was a reminder that if I think I can do it without him, I am elevating myself above him, which is, in fact, idolatry. Webster's online dictionary says this about idolatry: excessive attachment or veneration for anything; respect or love which borders on adoration. By denying my need for him to accomplish all that I had to accomplish, I was having 'excessive veneration and respect' for myself over him. Leviticus 16:31 told me that I need not deny him, but I need to deny myself. In denying myself, I will find the rest that I so desperately need.
Thank you, Lord, that you allow me a place of rest. It is in dying to myself, in choosing not to war with my flesh within me, but rather, surrender to you in my heart, that I find the rest that you intend. Thank you Lord, that when I find myself in you, I find rest. You are so good to me.
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